Online Mum chats to first time dad Dan. He has a young son and lives with his partner. I wanted to know how he felt about becoming a dad for the first time. Was he scared or happy did he worry or just breeze through his partners pregnancy?

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Transcript of the chat with Dan about his partner being pregnant

Jane: Hi thanks for listening in today. Today we are going to be chatting to a first time Dad  about pregnancy.

So, hi Dan, I’d like to first ask you about when you first found out you were going to become a  Dad, from that pregnancy test moment, and finding out your partner was going to have a baby.  What was going though your head,how did you feel?

Dan: I was the person who suggested that she took the pregnancy test, so we were both quite  excited. I remember after the pregnancy test, we got this very faint blue line, very faint,  fainter than what I expected it to look like. And even then, even though it showed a faint line,  I didn’t know 100% that it was definately, that she was definately pregnant.So we needed it  confirming by a Doctor a couple of days later.

Jane: And I presume she confirmed it.

Dan: She did, she confirmed it. we got a sample sent off to the hospital, and then they rang us  up a couple of days later and told us the news.

Jane: Briliant. So would you say your strongest emotion was excitement?

Dan: I was excited, because we were trying for a baby.But at the same time I was still scared.  Its a bit like, when that thing happens that you want, and you realise that it is true, you  become full of different feelings. Anxiety, nerves and then I was thinking “Im not ready to be a Dad” “Can I cope with being a Dad”

Jane: Did you go to books or the internet, or other Dads that you knew and talk to them?

Dan: Yes, one Dad’s advice was “Prepare for your house to be full of primary coloured plastic”  Which I think is very good advice. But on the internet, I think that sometimes, looking into  things too much gave me too many things to worry about.

Because there are a lot of complications  during pregnancy that I had never even thought about, and I would read these on the internet,  and it would scare me, and then I wouldn’t be able to tell my other half, the things that were  going on inside my head that I had just read on the internet.

Jane: That’s interesting, that finding out too much was making you more nervous. You would think  it would reassure you.

Dan: No, I didn’t realise all the things that could go wrong.I wish now, I hadn’t looked at all  different pregnancy websites, and I wish that I’d have just looked at good advice on good  websites (such as your own)

Jane: Thank you. My next question is about, as the pregnancy was getting further along, did you  feel pushed out? Because your partner was getting all the attention and it was all happening to  her. Did you feel that you weren’t part of the pregnancy anymore?

Dan: Yes, but I didn’t say anything! Yes, I did but, I know that pregnancy totally revolves  around the woman. But I felt as if I wanted to do the right balance. I didn’t want to do too  much that I was suffocating her and covering her in cotton wool. But at the same time, I needed  her to know that I was there for her every step of the way, and that I was happy to do anything  that she needed doing during the pregnancy.

Jane: Did you feel that you needed a more defined role as the future parent, and there were  certain tasks that you had to do, as potential father, well father to be.

Dan: Yeah, I think that, there are no books out there, that basically say “This is how to behave  when your other half is pregnant. I don’t think I would have read it if there was such a book.

I  think it depends on the persons individual relationship, how they are together and how they work  together. Like we worked quite well together, as a team.

I remember, when she started getting  big, she needed a hand putting her socks on. So that was something that I could do to help. And  her back was getting sore, so sometimes I’d massage her back because she’d get back pains. So it  helped that she was able to ask me for little things that she needed help with, but I was  willing to do anything.

Jane: Great, one final quick question. Did everything work out fine in the end?

Dan: It did thank you.

Jane: And you ended up with, was it a boy or girl?

Dan: We ended uo with a beautiful little baby boy.

Jane: Fantastic! Thanks for your time Dan.

Dan: Thank you.

There is no reason why you shouldn’t still have your holiday just because you are pregnant. However you do need to check out some extra things, and take more precautions. In ALL cases, take advice from your doctor or midwife. It is ALWAYS better to be safe than sorry.

Flying when pregnant

• The safest time to fly is after 12 and before 25 weeks. (The 2nd second trimester)
• After 25 weeks (third trimester) there is a risk of an increase in blood pressure as well as the chance of giving birth prematurely. Every pregnancy is different so please discuss any concern you have with your doctor.

Tips for while you are in the air

• Wear DVT socks. This is good advice for everyone not just pregnant women. Wearing DVT socks can help prevent blood clots which can be life threatening if they reach your lungs.
• Keep well-hydrated, pregnant women are very susceptible to dehydration. Make sure you have a bottle of water with you.
• On long hauls get up and walk around at least every hour to help your circulation.
• Wear sandals or shoes with adjustable straps in case your feet swell.
• Wear loose, comfortable clothing.
• Rest as much as possible.
• Avoid tea and coffee, which may increase the risk of DVT.

Remember – plane seats are narrow so you may be uncomfortable.

Where should I go on holiday?

If you choose to go abroad:

• Avoid destinations located over 2000 metres of altitude, especially during the three first months; your baby could lack oxygen.
• Avoid destinations where malaria or yellow fever is common
• Avoid countries with inadequate health services.

On your holiday

• Take a list of names and numbers of people who should be contacted in case of emergency.
• Keep a list handy of the local hospitals (you can get this from the local embassy, tourist board, or your hotel).
• Keep out of the sun at the hottest times of the day between 12pm and 3pm. Your skin is more sensitive during pregnancy, so wear a higher factor of sunscreen than you usually need.
• Avoid diving and water sports while pregnant.
• Take a copy of your notes and take them with you – they contain valuable information that will be needed by doctors, in case you go into premature labour.
• Know your blood group in case of an emergency.
• Check with your airline and insurance company that they will allow you to travel when pregnant. Some insurers will not cover pregnant women or will impose conditions which you need to be aware of. Different airlines have different rules, but after 24 weeks, the airline may request a letter from your GP stating your expected delivery date.

Immunizations and diseases

• Make sure your immunizations are up to date, some immunisations are not safe to receive if you are pregnant.
• Infectious diseases are serious not only for you but also for your unborn baby.
• Malaria is particularly serious, it is important to avoid infected areas. These include India, Africa and parts of South America, among others.
• Travel in hygienic conditions.
• Be very careful with all of your food and water.
• Never take  any unknown medication.

Local health services

• Choose a country where local health services are good.
• Avoid destinations where malaria is common.
• Avoid mosquito repellents containing DEET. (Look for a natural alternative such as citronella oil or use nets to protect yourself from mosquitoes.)

Other related articles
Tell me about driving and travelling by train when pregnant
Health and beauty in pregnancy – what should I avoid?
Exercising, sports and other activities while pregnant – what should I avoid and why?

I love this video of a pregnancy from 4 weeks to 32 weeks. It shows how a woman’s body changes shape week by week.

It would have been great if I had done this when I was pregnant – but no one really wants to see me as a beached whale! (or is that just how I felt). Watching this takes me back though.

• I remember not being able to get to sleep as I couldn’t get comfy.
• I remember being so tired I thought I would never be truely awake again.
• I remember being so excited. I couldn’t wait to meet our offspring  – and he hasn’t disappointed!

Looking back it would be nice to have more photos or videos of me when I was pregnant. No regrets though – and we have enough photos of the baby to cover every wall in the UK!

I wonder if there are things, like this video that other women wish they had done when they were pregnant…

A new study reveals that women who take Vitamin D when pregnant can cut  the risk of premature birth.

The dramatic findings suggest that “mothers who were given ten times the usual dose of Vitamin D during pregnancy had their risk of premature birth reduced by half and had fewer small babies… No test showed any adverse effect of the large dose of vitamin D.” *

This is great news. If a simple vitamin can help boost the health of babies and prevent premature birth, surely every woman should be encouraged to take it.   

Vitamin D can be found in some foods, but it is mostly absorbed from sunshine. This means people living in cooler countries may not be getting enough. This includes the UK and parts of the US.

Vitamin D is found in foods such as oily fish, eggs and liver, and in fortified foods such as margarine, breakfast cereals and powdered milk. The levels in food alone are not enough.

Vitamin D has health benefits for other groups of people not just pregnant women. For example, Vitamin D deficiency is common and deficiency during pregnancy and childhood may increase the risk of a child developing Multiple Sclerosis.

* Times Online News article

Looking back, there are some things I would NEVER have got through pregnancy without…

1. A body pillow
Basically a pillow that was 5′ long. I would never have been able to sleep without it. I would sit my bump on it and cross my leg on top of it to get ‘comfy’.  We named it Rachel. This seemed to make it easier for hubby to sleep with ‘her’ every night!  

2. An oscillating, 3 speed, desk fan
It was a hot summer and I just couldn’t cool down. The fan was on 24/7 and followed me around the house.

3. My mum
She had ‘been there, done that’ and therefore was a comfort and a mine of information. (Some of which I ignored!)

4. The TV
Yes I watched so much daytime TV it dulled my brain. But it made kids TV seem so much more interesting!

5. A plentiful supply of chocolate
It was wierd. Chocolate normally went straight to all the wrong places but when I was pregnant I could eat LOADS of it. I think my baby was eating it with me, cos he loves the stuff now!

6. Supermarkets that delivered all my shopping and put it in the kitchen
This was just brilliant. No more lugging potatoes and juice cartons. Just wait for the van to arrive and unpack the chocolate!

7. Bigger clothes
Having said that by the end I was wearing my pyjama bottoms and nightie all the time. Fashion experts were  glad I didn’t leave the house.

8. A baby names book
It took 9 months to think of a shortlist of girls and boys names. We even tried randomly opening a page and picking the 1st name. We didn’t choose Happy Daffodil though – wonder why…

9. My midwife
She kept reassuring us that everything was OK. We were over anxious 1st time parents who worried about every hiccup and gurgle emminating from my tummy.

10. Last but by no means least. My partner
Because:

• He emptied the cat litter tray.
• He put the bins out.
• He cooked more meals than I care to remember.
• He put up with my grouchiness.
• He rubbed my back when it ached.
• He put my socks on my feet when I couldn’t reach them anymore.
• He got excited at every new stage of pregnancy.
• He got the food cravings and nesting instead of me.
• He read all the pregnancy books with me.
• He stayed with me throughout a very long labour.
• He became the best dad in the world.

When I was pregnant, I worried a  lot about what I should and shouldn’t be eating and drinking. I wanted to give my baby the best possible chance and not eat anything that might harm him or her. The advice seemed to be the same wherever I looked. Basically, that if you eat sensibly during pregnancy and eat a balanced nutritious diet, most foods are safe. However some foods are safer than others, and some should be avoided.

Here are some guidelines:

Remember though, always ask your midwife or GP if you are unsure about anything. Everybody is different, we cannot say this is safe to eat or not – it is just a guideline.

Foods that are generally OK when you are pregnant

• Cooked food – always remembr that freshly and thoroughly cooked foods are the safest.
• Milk – Fresh, pasteurised and UHT milk and yoghurt (always eat/drink them before their use by date.
• Fresh fruit and vegetables – thoroughly wash them though.
  
• Tinned and pickled foods
• Canned meat and fish – once opened always store them  in the fridge and use them up or throw them away within 12 hours.
• Home cooked meats – make sure they are cooked thoroughly. Use immediately or store in the fridge and again use them within 12  hours.
• Home-made salads – wash all salad items thoroughly. Store them in the fridge and use them within 12 hours.
• Some cheese - Hard cheeses, semi-soft cheeses such as mozzarella, pasteurized processed cheese slices and spreads, cream cheese and cottage cheese are OK.
• Fromage frais, creme fraiche, sour cream.
• Mayonnaise, ice cream, salad dressing – as long as they haven’t been made using raw egg.
• Spicy food – but watch out for your baby kicking if you eat spicy food later in pregnancy – mine did!
  
• Honey – this is OK for pregnant women but is NOT suitable for babies under a year old.

Foods to avoid when you are pregnant

• ‘Ready to eat’ foods. In the modern world this can be harder than you 1st think. It includes pasteurised dairy products, pates, meat products (including pre-sliced chicken), cooked diced chicken (as used in sandwich shops),  uncooked smoked seafood, smoked shellfish, previously prepared coleslaw and salads.
• Pâté (including vegetable). This is because pâté can contain listeria.
• Ready made salads -they look healthy – but what have they been washed in? They are not freshly washed and therefore should be avoided.
  
• Raw seafood (oysters, sashimi or sushi) or smoked seafood (frozen or chilled)
• Shellfish.
• Cheeses such as Camembert, Brie or chevre (a type of goats’ cheese), or others that have  a similar rind. You should also avoid soft blue cheeses – cheeses are made with mould can contain listeria.
• Dips and salad dressings – which have been previously exposed to raw vegetables, even if they have been kept refrigerated
• Raw or partially cooked eggs – avoid eating raw eggs and food containing raw or partially-cooked eggs. If y9ou are pregnanct, only eat eggs when both the white and yolk are solid. This is to avoid the risk of salmonella
• Raw or undercooked meat – make sure you only eat meat that has been well cooked. This is especially important with poultry and products made from minced meat, such as sausages and burgers. Make sure these are  cooked until they are piping hot all the way through and no pink meat is left.
• Anything with a lot of vitamin A - This is because you only need a small amount of vitamin A to keep healthy and large amounts can harm an unborn baby
  Food with Vitamin A for example are:
  • liver and liver products such as liver pâté and cod liver oil supplements
  • vitamin tablets or supplements which contain vitamin A
• Avoid foods which may have high levels of listeria - Pregnant women are more likely to become infected with listeria than non pregnant people. Sometimes a listeria infection causes miscarriage, stillbirth, or infections in the baby after birth.
  Foods  most at risk of carrying listeria:
  • soft cheeses (such as brie)
  • undercooked meats and eggs
  • pate
  • shellfish
  • raw fish
  • unpasteurised milk

• Fish – Avoid eating any shark, swordfish and marlin. Limit the amount of tuna you eat. This is because of the levels of mercury in these fish. At high levels, mercury can harm a baby’s developing nervous system.
• Avoid eating more than two portions of oily fish a week.
  Oily fish includes fresh tuna (not canned tuna, which does not count as oily fish), mackerel, sardines and trout.
• Peanuts - More research is being carried out on whether pregnant women should eat peanuts or not. The theory is that the risk of your baby developing a peanut allergy is increased if you eat them while you are pregnant.  Also, your baby is at higher risk if you or a close blood relative of you or the baby’s father has a peanut allergy, asthma or eczema.

It just makes sense to be cautious and avoid peanuts if you are pregnant or breastfeeding.

Things to remember

1. Ensure packaging is intact, throw away any food if you see the packet is damaged
2. Always cook fish and meat all the way through
3. Always wash your hands before eating
4. Always wash your hands after handling raw meat or fish
5. Always make sure knives, cooking utensils, chopping boards etc are washed well with hot soapy water
6. Avoid food if you are unsure how it has been prepared or stored
7. Make sure any leftovers are well heated all the way through. Microwaves can unevenly heat food, this is why they always tell you to leave food to stand after heating it in a microwave. This helps the food to heat all the way through.
8. Prepare and store foods safely. When dealing with raw meat keep it separate from other  foods. Make sure the raw meat is not stored in the fridge where juices may drip onto other  foods.
9. Keep all stored food in the fridge individually wrapped or covered.
10. Thoroughly wash all raw fruit and vegetables before eating them.
11. Always check the ‘Use by’ and ‘Best before labels and don’t go over them
12. If you are unsure about any food when eating out, choose something else or ask the staff about the ingredients or how it is cooked.

Have a look at What to Eat When You’re Pregnant: Including the A-Z of What’s Safe and What’s Not for more advice.

Alcohol and caffeine

We have all seen TV programmes or news articles with pregnant women drinking heavily – most of us ar sickened by the sight. When you’re pregnant, it’s best to stop drinking alcohol altogether. But if you do drink, have no more than 1 or 2 units of alcohol, once or twice a week and don’t get drunk.

• A unit is half a pint of standard strength beer, lager or cider, or a pub measure of spirit.
• A glass of wine is about 2 units
• Alcopops are about 1.5 units.

You should limit the amount of caffeine you have each day. Caffeine occurs naturally in a range of foods, such as coffee, tea and chocolate, and it’s also added to some soft drinks and ‘energy’ drinks.

It’s important not to have more than 300mg a day. This is because high levels of caffeine can result in babies having a low birth weight, or even in miscarriage.

Each of these contains roughly 300mg of caffeine:

3 mugs of instant coffee (100mg each mug)
4 cups of instant coffee (75mg each cup)
3 cups of brewed coffee (100mg each cup)
6 cups of tea (50mg each cup)
8 cans of cola (up to 40mg each can)
4 cans of ‘energy’ drink (up to 80mg each can)
6 (50g) bars of plain chocolate (up to 50 mg per bar)
Caffeine in milk chocolate is about half that of plain chocolate

(caffeine amounts  from www.eatwell.gov.uk)

Caffeine is also found in some cold and flu remedies. Check with  your GP or midwife before taking any.

Have a look at What to Eat When You’re Pregnant: Including the A-Z of What’s Safe and What’s Not for more advice.

Other related articles

Cheese and Pregnancy
Heath and beauty in pregnancy – what should I avoid?
Exercising, sports and other activities while pregnant – what should I avoid and why?

Questions and answers.

Can I drink alcohol if I’m pregnant?

• We have all seen TV footage of women drinking while they are pregnant, but are small amounts safe??  The Department of Health recommends that you avoid drinking alcohol if you are pregnant.
• It makes sense also if you  also avoid drinking alcohol if you’re trying for a baby.

Can I use hair dye when I am pregnant or breastfeeding?

• I tried to find out about this when I was pregnant, as I had heard that pregnant women shouldn’t dye their hair. On researching on the internet, I still did not find out much info. I thought it better to be safe than sorry so just let my hair go un-dyed.
• There seems to be more information today and most research seems to point to it being safe. This is due to the chemicals in permanent and semi-permanent hair dyes being not highly toxic.
• Information seems to suggest that the chemicals themselves can cause harm but not in the doses used to dye your hair.

How do I reduce the risk in colouring my hair while I’m pregnant.

• Wait until after the first trimester (12 weeks), after this the risk of harming the baby is much lower.
• While home colouring – make sure that you wear gloves, leave the dye on for the minimum time, and use in a well-ventilated room.
• Highlight your hair instead of dying all of it. This is safer because the chemicals used are only absorbed by the hair itself, and not by the scalp and into your bloodstream.
• Use semi-permanent pure vegetable dyes, such as henna

Things to remember

Watch out for your hair going a funny colour! Your hair may react differently to colouring or perming  - your hair’s condition may alter during pregnancy and therefore the way it reacts to colour.

I‘m pregnant – can paint fumes affect my unborn baby?

• One of the things many pregnant women do, is decorate the new baby’s nursery, but is it safe?? Ok so climbing up on ladders is not a good idea when you are pregnant, but the risk from modern household paint is very low.
• If you are stripping old paintwork or using solvent-based paints – beware! Old paintwork might contain traces of lead – you need to avoid this when you are pregnant.
• Standing on ladders and stretching can be dangerous though – be very careful.

Is it safe to use a sauna or jacuzzi if I’m pregnant?

• It sounds relaxing and calming to use a sauna or Jacuzzi when pregnant, but becoming dehydrated or overheating is not a good idea when you are pregnant.
• So while a sauna or Jacuzzi itself is not necessarily a bad thing, the risk of overheating or dehydration is, therefore while there is not much research out there it would be wise to avoid them.

Is it safe to use fake tan during pregnancy?

• Fake tanning lotions and sprays are a popular and safer alternative to spending time in the sun to get a tan.
• The active ingredient in fake tan is Dihydroxyacetone (DHA). It is a non-toxic substance that reacts with cells in the outermost layer of the skin and produces a brown pigment (colour) called melanoidin. The outer skin cells are already dead, and are shed as the skin constantly renews itself. This is why fake tan needs to be regularly re-applied to maintain the colour. The DHA doesn’t go beyond the outer layer of skin and therefore isn’t absorbed into the body.

• Although there are no known dangers of using tanning lotions, they can sometimes cause an allergic reaction. For this reason, it’s advisable not to use fake tan during pregnancy, as changes in hormone levels can make the skin more sensitive than normal. If you do use fake tan, always test the product on a small area of skin first to see if you have a reaction.

Other related articles

Tell me about driving and travelling by train when pregnant
Exercising, sports and other activities while pregnant – what should I avoid and why?
Can I fly and go abroad when I’m pregnant?

I really didn’t think I was pregnant. You could have knocked me down with a feather when the test came back positive. If I didn’t feel pregnant – why did I take a test? 

Well, call it intuition if you like – but not on my part! My partner said, “Why don’t you take a pregnancy test?” And I did, the rest is history. Looking back, I did have symptoms; I just was not looking for them. My areola had the got bigger, and the ‘Montgomery’s tubercules’ – bumps on my nipples – were more obvious.

Some people know they are pregnant, others don’t know until late into the pregnancy. Most people look for signs. One or two on their own might not mean a pregnancy. You might be craving a particular food because your body needs it. You might feel really tired because you’ve been burning the candle at both ends. A pregnancy test is the sure way to find out if you are pregnant.

Here are some of the most common symptoms that you are pregnant.

1.  Morning sickness.

Ok so anyone who has experienced this will tell you it’s not morning sickness, but can be morning or noon or night sickness. It is often the symptom that alerts a woman that she is pregnant and can start from 2 weeks after conception. Most sickness will stop or greatly lessen by the end of the first trimester. For a few women – unfortunately sickness does carry on.

2. Fatigue.

This was the symptom I suffered most with in my pregnancy. I didn’t just feel tired – I was exhausted, wiped out, worn out, shattered, done in, drained, wearied, sleepy, drowsy, tired out and slept for much of the day – thoughout the first trimester.

Fatigue can be noticed very soon after conception.

3. Food

Food cravings. Many women experience food cravings during pregnancy. It can happen once or throughout the whole pregnancy. It doesn’t have to be coal and firewood, – like you hear old wives tales about – it can just be sugar in your tea when you never liked sugar before, or lots of pickled onions. Some women experience to opposite of food cravings, and go off certain foods or drinks that they liked before pregnancy. Some women experience a metallic taste in their mouth.

4. Breasts

Darkening or largening of your areolas.( The coloured part of your breast around the nipple) The small bumps – ‘Montgomery’s tubercules’ – on your nipples can become more obvious

Breast can feel tender, be swollen, tingly or enlarged. (This could be that your period id due)

5. Urination

Frequent urination can start early in your pregnancy. At first it is due to your body producing more fluid thus once processed – hey presto – you need the loo. Later in pregnancy, your growing baby presses on the bladder and the problem continues!. As you go into the second trimester, the problem does lessen as your uterus moves upwards and away from your bladder.

6. Body discomforts

• Implantation bleeding or cramping.

When the embryo implants itself in the wall of your uterus, some women experience cramping or spotting. This can be mistaken for their period, or can result from other medical issues like infection.

Due to the many physical and hormonal changes associated with pregnancy you may also experience any of the following – all of course can be due to other reasons:

• headaches
• backaches
• acne
• constipation
• heartburn
• mood swings
• constipation
• diarrhoea
• bloating
• indigestion
• abdominal cramps

7. A missed period.

This is the one I think of  first when writing about how to tell if I’m pregnant. It stands to reason. If you are late or miss a period – you could be pregnant. Don’t presume though, there are a whole host of other reasons why you haven’t come on when you expect to.

8. A positive pregnancy test.

Generally you need to wait until the first day of your missed period to take a home pregnancy test. Read the label to check when you can test. A test too soon can show up as negative when you are actually pregnant. Pregnancy tests performed by your doctor are much more reliable.

9. Other symptoms

• Increased vaginal discharge
• Hormones can play havoc with your emotions at the best of times – doubly so during pregnancy!
• Abdominal bloating
• If you’ve been charting your basal body temperature and you notice that your temperature has been higher for 18 days in a row, you’re likely to be pregnant.
• Intuition – sometimes you “just know”

It is possible to experience some of the signs and symptoms of pregnancy, yet still not be pregnant. Or experience few symptoms – yet be pregnant. If you think there is even a small chance you are pregnant it is better to be safe than sorry – see your GP.

Oh and if you are pregnant (and you want to be) – CONGRATULATIONS!!!