1. When at the dinner table.
Never try to help your friend to eat by making aeroplane noises and flying a fork of food around his head. 

2. When in bed with your beloved.
Never say “Well done! Clever boy!” in a really condescending tone after his performance.

3. When at a restuarant.
Never ask your friend when they excuse themselves to go to the bathroom, if they want a wee wee or a poo.

4. When out shopping.
Never state the colour and number of EVERYTHING out loud

5. When going on a date to the cinema.
Never offer your date a lollipop for ” sitting really well” thoughout the entire film.

6. When in a job interview.
Never try to wipe a crumb off his moustache with your hanky (which you have licked)

7. When watching TV
Never make the mistake of watching the children’s channel AFTER your child has gone to bed, and not noticing.

8. When trying to be cool while waiting to be served in a Bar
Never start humming the tune to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Anything else you really should avoid?

1. Sleepless nights with a crying baby are not the same as sleepless nights because you are dancing the night away in the local night club.

2. After baby is born going to the shops with unidentifiable goo on your shoulder becomes your new fashion accessory and you don’t even care what it looks like.

3. Gone are the days when you can have a wee:

a, in private,
b, without discussing the merits of Bob the Builder at the same time
c, without being congratulated for actually ‘going’
d, without being awarded a sticker for the aforementioned success in using the toilet for it’s proper purpose

4. Coffee is meant to be drank hot.

5. Baby things you look at in the shop, like pushchairs, look lightweight, simple to fold and very movable. But they are never that light, movable and certainly not easy to fold up and put in the car once you have your baby.

6. If you have something very important to do, this is the time your offspring will demand your attention by sticking himself to your left leg and not letting go.

7. You stop having a 1st name and your own identity over night, and become someone’s Mummy.

Of course my mum neglected to mention other parts of motherhood as well:

It is the single most important, wonderful and incredible thing I could ever have done in my life.

I am not quite sure that I am responsible enough for the task of motherhood.

My youngster reminds me time and time again that I am rubbish at easy things like: jumping up and down, remembering the all the words to Old MacDonald IN THE RIGHT ORDER, and remembering imaginary friends names.

However my youngster will forget all that and remember how I held them all night when they felt poorly. How I am are the one they ran to when they scraped their knee. How I am the 1st person they will tell something exciting to.

I guess mums don’t warn us about how hard a job motherhood can be, but at the same time we don’t tell our mums  what a wonderful job they have done either.