Only the other day my hubby was talking about how great it would have been if he had been allowed to stay in the hospital with me when our son was born. He felt shut out and not important in the first day of our son’s life. Yes, he got to hold him and start that important bonding time, but then as it got later all Dad’s were asked (oh so politely) to leave.

I felt abandoned and very alone. There I was, a mum for the first time, a tiny bundle of joy next to me sleeping (for now) in his crib, and I really didn’t know what I was doing. What I really wanted was my hubby, and he was at home feeling very separated from the whole experience.

So imagine our relief when we read the news today! Midwives are being urged to encourage fathers to be more involved in their partner’s pregnancies. Some hospitals are now providing reclining chairs for fathers to sleep in overnight, so they can stay with their newborn and partner.

As my hubby said,

“Dads are part of the family too, I felt so out of the loop, I knew you were the most important thing, it was your health, your body, and you were going through pregnancy and birth, but I wanted to help.”

The Fatherhood Institute seem to agree.

“by restricting the conversation only to mothers and/or by failing to clearly and directly address fathers about what’s happening, so they might provide much-needed, well-informed support at such a difficult time – aren’t we missing an opportunity to ease an intolerable burden of responsibility for women? And aren’t we, ultimately, doing our children a disservice?”

On the day we became a family instead of a couple, we were torn apart and separated by red tape and tradition. Who can say that this is a good thing. It is wonderful when a father wants to be involved in his partner’s pregnancy and the birth of his child. When that happens he really should be encouraged and supported too, Dads should be part of the process.

The news article today really is a step forward and it’s a long way from the days when fathers weren’t even allowed in the hospital while their wives gave birth, and they just had to wait for that phone call telling them they had become a Dad.

No matter how quicly or slowly your pregnancy seems to be progressing, your due date will come round REALLY fast. It is never too early to think about how you want your labour to be. For some women Doctors will make the decision for them, sometimes medical support is the primary priority.

If you and your partner need some ideas on birth and labour support have a look at the following: 

Association for the Improvement in Maternity Services (AIMS)

At the forefront of the childbirth movement for more than forty years.

• Working towards normal birth
• Providing independent support and information about maternity choices
• Raising awareness of current research on childbirth and related issues

Doula UK

• “Doula” (pronounced “doola”) is a Greek word meaning “woman servant or caregiver”. It now refers to an experienced woman who offers emotional and practical support to a woman (or couple) before, during and after childbirth.
• A doula believes in “mothering the mother” – enabling a woman to have the most satisfying and empowered time that she can during pregnancy, birth and the early days as a new mum. This type of support also helps the whole family to relax and enjoy the experience.

Home Birth Reference Site

• This site is not to persuade you to choose home birth. It’s not for everybody, but perhaps it’s right for your family. It provides information and opinions about home birth, for parents who think that it might be the right choice for them, and for health professionals looking for resources.

Association of Radical Midwives

• ARM are midwives, student midwives and others in the UK committed to improving the maternity care provided by the NHS. They strongly believe that all women have the right to a service tailored more closely to their needs, and a sympathetic attitude on the part of their professional attendants. They are primarily a support group for people having difficulty in getting or giving good, sympathetic, personalised midwifery care. A few of us are working independently outside the NHS, in order to offer a more woman-centred, one-to-one, style of practice, which at present is not widely available within NHS maternity services.

The National Childbirth Trust

• The NCT  helps over a million mums and dads each year through pregnancy, birth and early days of parenthood. They offer antenatal and postnatal courses, local support and reliable information to help all parents.

Other related articles

Do Dad’s need to pack a bag for hospital too?
Giving birth – what do I need to pack for hospital – A checklist