Another oldie but goodie that every mum will relate to.

So funny, so true. 24 hours in the life of  a mum. How many of these phrases do YOU say? (Me? Most of them!)

Anita Renfroe wrote the song, here are the lyrics:
Get up now
Get up now
Get up out of bed
Wash your face
Brush your teeth
Comb your sleepy head
Here’s your clothes
And your shoes
Hear the words I said
Get up now
Get up and make your bed
Are you hot?
Are you cold?
Are you wearing that?
Where’s your books and your lunch and your homework at?
Grab your coat and your gloves and your scarf and hat
Don’t forget you gotta feed the cat
Eat your breakfast
The experts tell us it’s the most important meal of all
Take your vitamins so you will grow up one day to be big and tall
Please remember the orthodon’tist will be seeing you at three today?
Don’t forget your piano lesson is this afternoon
So you must play
Don’t shovel
Chew slowly
But hurry
The bus is here
Be careful
Come back here
Did you wash behind your ears?
Play outside
Don’t play rough
Would you just play fair?
Be polite
Make a friend
Don’t forget to share
Work it out
Wait your turn
Never take a dare
Get along
Don’t make me come down there
Clean your room
Fold your clothes
Put your stuff away
Make your bed
Do it now
Do we have all day?
Were you born in a barn?
Would you like some hay
Can you even hear a word I say?
Answer the phone
Get Off the phone
Don’t sit so close
Turn it down
No texting at the table
No more computer time tonight
Your iPod’s my iPod if you don’t listen up
Where you going and with whom and what time do you think you’re coming home?
Saying thank you, please, excuse me
Makes you welcome everywhere you roam
You’ll appreciate my wisdom
Someday when you’re older and you’re grown
Can’t wait ’til you have a couple little children of your own
You’ll thank me for the counsel I gave you so willingly
But right now
I thank you NOT to roll your eyes at me
Close your mouth when you chew
Would appreciate
Take a bite
Maybe two
Of the stuff you hate
Use your fork
Do not you burp
Or I’ll set you straight
Eat the food I put upon your plate
Get an A, Get the door
Don’t get smart with me
Get a Grip
Get in here I’ll count to 3
Get a job
Get a life
Get a PhD
Get a dose of…
I don’t care who started it
You’re grounded until your 36
Get your story straight
And tell the truth for once for heaven’s sake
And if all your friends jumped off a cliff
Would you jump too?
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said at least a thousand times before that
You’re too old to act this way
It must be your father’s DNA
Look at me when I am talking
Stand up straight when you walk
A place for everything
And everything must be in place
Stop crying or I’ll give you something real to cry about
Oh!
Brush your teeth
Wash your face
Get your PJs on
Get in bed
Get a hug
Say a prayer with Mom
Don’t forget
I love you
**KISS**
And tomorrow we will do this all again because a mom’s work never ends
You don’t need the reason why
Because
I said so
I’m the Mom
The mom

I suppose it’s one of the things that just happen when you have learned enough words to really express yourself, but 3yo seems to know exactly which excuse to use and when.

These are his favourites:

• But I’m JUST….looking (meaning being nosey)
• But I’m JUST… checking (meaning being nosey)
• I NEED a hug/cuddle (I ALWAYS fall for this one, as it sounds so cute, but he just wants to be picked up and carried)
• I’ve hurt my legs on the floor (Also his way of getting carried)
• I don’t like it (he seems to think just not liking something is good enough reason not to do it. The trouble is many adults still use this excuse. 3yo applies it to drink/food/toys/nursery/stories – erm, well everything get’s it’s turn with “I don’t like it!)

Excuses for not going to bed

• It’s not bedtme yet (he applies this from the mere suggestion that it is bedtime, until he falls asleep; this can be minutes or hours)
  
• It’s NEARLY bedtime (can 3yo tell the time better than me?)
  
• It’s not dark yet (how do you explain light summer nights to a toddler?)
  
• There are no stars yet (ditto)
  
• I don’t like pyjamas (yes, I’ve tried suggesting he goes to bed in other things instead)
  
• I don’t need pyjamas (ditto)
  
• That’s not my bed cos Teddy is in it (this one stumps me)
  

Special excuses that he just HAS to get out of bed for:

• I need a wee/poo (acceptable excuse, well, it is for the 1st 3 times in 1 night)
• Teddy has done a poo (I never really know whether to humour this one or ignore it, at 3 in the morning it is definately the latter)
• Pingu has pooed on the floor (Fictional TV characters generally don’t deficate on children’s bedroom floors)
• I need water/milk (acceptable excuse but it invariably leads on to the 1st excuses in this section)
  
• I am still hungry, I am only full up to my knees! (3yo thinks if he is not ‘full up to his head’ at all times he will explode. I guess breakfast time can be a long way off, but I still say midnight snacks are not a good idea)
  

There is a section in the back of his Excuse Manual, dedicated to negotiation tactics. It generally teaches toddlers to raise the stakes if too few treats are offered:

Me: You can have 2 jelly babies
3yo: I need 3 (and he  means handfuls not actual sweets, not that he gets away with that!)

I suppose I should be glad that he can count!

This section also reminds them to work one parent off against the other:

3yo: Daddy lets me do that!

This excuse relates to ANYTHING that I say no to, and vise versa.

The advanced section suggests he uses people who I can’t immediately check with. ‘I do that at Grandma’s.’

I really want to consficate his Excuse Manual, but I don’t know where he has hidden it. I think it is in the same place that odd socks go.

I love getting comments on my blog. When they are actually in response to the post. When they are from other Mums and Dads. When they are related to my website; be it babies,  toddlers, pregnancy, or being a mum.  If people are going to try and spam my site, I wish they would:

1. spell correctly.
2. have correct English and Grammar.
3. realise my site catches spam and just not bother.

I spend a lot of time deleting spam, however – this one caught my eye. It is so bad it is funny. It is worth publishing (without it’s links to strange and useless sites). 

Greetings. 1st I desire to say that I actually like your weblog, just observed it last week but I have been following it since then.

I seem to acknowledge with most of your thinkings and beliefs and this submit is no exception. absolutely agree with you.

Thank you for the good blog and I hope you preserve up the very good perform. If you do I will keep on to look over it.

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I still laugh when I read that one.  Sorry for not publishing it Mr Spammer, but I hope this post totally devoted to you makes up for it! Even if  I am not linking to your product!

I’ve posted this video for 1 reason only – it is so funny!

Every time I watch it, it makes me laugh so much. She sings about  the ‘joys’ of childbirth, in a way that is true yet is funny. You may have seen it before, but you never tire of watching a classic again!

Childbirth Song lyrics

You’ve bags under your eyes
You’ve got boobs to your knees
Your hand’s full of poo and your bra’s full of cheese
Your stomach is bloated your clothes do not fit
He still wants sex while you feel like shit
He begs for this favour not long after labour
It’s like eating a meal after you’ve just been sick

And the boys at the office tell him I should give him what he wants
To this I say that they’re a bunch of lalalalalalala

You bastard you cocked up it’s you got me knocked up
Just cos you want me to have bigger tits
You’re pleading, you’re pining
Oh please stop your whining
You’re not getting sex ’til the kid’s 26

You say you want another child, another pregnancy
When you can poo a watermelon I’ll agree

I could have been someone if you just hadn’t come (along)
If I hadn’t been so drunk and I’d said maybe
We’d be going out and stuff, now there’s foreceps up my chuff
Pulling the head of a screaming 10lb baby

And the mums on Hornby Island* say keep breast feeding ’til they’re four
If I do I won’t have nipples anymore

And all the doctors told me that I’d need a stitch or ten
I say sew me up so I can’t do this again.

*an island nearby with a reputation for being very wholesome!

It’s a parody written by Helen Austin and performed at Voices Three 2007, a concert that raised $3000 for the Hospice

It was only since my son started playgroup that I really noticed that little girls just seem so much more independent, organised and talkative, than little boys. The old phrase “Girls are talkers, boys are walkers” seems to be so right. Is it though, or does it just seem like that? Research has suggested that boys are more boisterious and therefore more likely to get hurt, but they are able to do pretty much the same as girls and at the same time.

Fast forward the following video to 5 mins 43 secs. Michael McIntyre sums it up so well. It’s so true and so funny. The clip is from Live at the Apollo.

Going to playschool for the first time, I did feel like that. It almost felt like my son was communicating very little – but the little girls were sat in the corner doing the Times crossword (and the cryptic one at that). OK, so every child is different. Some grow up faster than others regardless of whether they are a boy or girl. So many things influence their development. It just seems to be the boys following the girls in developing language, and communicating what they want.

Maybe as a mother, you just notice the differences in children. Some kids are more advanced, and that worries you. Some kids are less able, that makes you feel all superior. But all kids are good at some things and worse at others. I really don’t see that there is right and wrong.

Going to playgroup, preschool and then nursery certainly improved my son’s language skills. He quickly progressed from a few words and many tears, to communicating sentences, role playing and becoming an amazingly funny little boy.

It still leaves me with questions though…

Do you have boy/girl twins?

Do you have boys and girls?

Have you noticed a difference between their rates of development?

I really wasn’t sure if sending 3yo to the naughty corner was working. He sometimes puts himself there. Sometimes tries to send me there. Then he sent his Teddy there, this is the story… 

3yo and Teddy were having a nice game of pretend driving. They were going to the shops. 3yo asked Teddy to put his seatbelt on. This of course is a sensible request of any driver to their passenger – safety should always come 1st!

Except – shock horror – Teddy said “NO!”

Oh dear.

3yo dragged Teddy to the door. “Naughty corner Teddy.” “Stay there.”

3yo came back to the living room and got on with tidying his pretend car. Then after the required time, he went back to Teddy. “You sorry Teddy?”

It appears Teddy WAS sorry, he got a hug and he returned to the game. Both got into the pretend car, put on their pretend seat belts, and drove to the pretend shops.

What did I learn?

1. Always do as I am told by 3yo, or I will end up in the naughty corner.
2. Always put your seatbelt on when driving.
3. Imagination is WONDERFUL!
4. Discipline has sunk in. 3yo DOES understand.

Sometimes it is difficult to get being a Mummy out of your head, this is my guide to things you should NEVER say or do:

1. When at the dinner table.
Never try to help your friend to eat by making aeroplane noises and flying a fork of food around his head. 

2. When in bed with your beloved.
Never say “Well done! Clever boy!” in a really condescending tone after his performance.

3. When at a restuarant.
Never ask your friend when they excuse themselves to go to the bathroom, if they want a wee wee or a poo.

4. When out shopping.
Never state the colour and number of EVERYTHING out loud

5. When going on a date to the cinema.
Never offer your date a lollipop for ” sitting really well” thoughout the entire film.

6. When in a job interview.
Never try to wipe a crumb off his moustache with your hanky (which you have licked)

7. When watching TV
Never make the mistake of watching the children’s channel AFTER your child has gone to bed, and not noticing.

8. When trying to be cool while waiting to be served in a Bar
Never start humming the tune to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Anything else you really should avoid?