Only the other day my hubby was talking about how great it would have been if he had been allowed to stay in the hospital with me when our son was born. He felt shut out and not important in the first day of our son’s life. Yes, he got to hold him and start that important bonding time, but then as it got later all Dad’s were asked (oh so politely) to leave.

I felt abandoned and very alone. There I was, a mum for the first time, a tiny bundle of joy next to me sleeping (for now) in his crib, and I really didn’t know what I was doing. What I really wanted was my hubby, and he was at home feeling very separated from the whole experience.

So imagine our relief when we read the news today! Midwives are being urged to encourage fathers to be more involved in their partner’s pregnancies. Some hospitals are now providing reclining chairs for fathers to sleep in overnight, so they can stay with their newborn and partner.

As my hubby said,

“Dads are part of the family too, I felt so out of the loop, I knew you were the most important thing, it was your health, your body, and you were going through pregnancy and birth, but I wanted to help.”

The Fatherhood Institute seem to agree.

“by restricting the conversation only to mothers and/or by failing to clearly and directly address fathers about what’s happening, so they might provide much-needed, well-informed support at such a difficult time – aren’t we missing an opportunity to ease an intolerable burden of responsibility for women? And aren’t we, ultimately, doing our children a disservice?”

On the day we became a family instead of a couple, we were torn apart and separated by red tape and tradition. Who can say that this is a good thing. It is wonderful when a father wants to be involved in his partner’s pregnancy and the birth of his child. When that happens he really should be encouraged and supported too, Dads should be part of the process.

The news article today really is a step forward and it’s a long way from the days when fathers weren’t even allowed in the hospital while their wives gave birth, and they just had to wait for that phone call telling them they had become a Dad.

Online Mum chats to first time dad Dan. He has a young son and lives with his partner. I wanted to know how he felt about becoming a dad for the first time. Was he scared or happy did he worry or just breeze through his partners pregnancy?

Are you a Dad?

How did you feel when your partner was pregnant?

Let us know…

Transcript of the chat with Dan about his partner being pregnant

Jane: Hi thanks for listening in today. Today we are going to be chatting to a first time Dad  about pregnancy.

So, hi Dan, I’d like to first ask you about when you first found out you were going to become a  Dad, from that pregnancy test moment, and finding out your partner was going to have a baby.  What was going though your head,how did you feel?

Dan: I was the person who suggested that she took the pregnancy test, so we were both quite  excited. I remember after the pregnancy test, we got this very faint blue line, very faint,  fainter than what I expected it to look like. And even then, even though it showed a faint line,  I didn’t know 100% that it was definately, that she was definately pregnant.So we needed it  confirming by a Doctor a couple of days later.

Jane: And I presume she confirmed it.

Dan: She did, she confirmed it. we got a sample sent off to the hospital, and then they rang us  up a couple of days later and told us the news.

Jane: Briliant. So would you say your strongest emotion was excitement?

Dan: I was excited, because we were trying for a baby.But at the same time I was still scared.  Its a bit like, when that thing happens that you want, and you realise that it is true, you  become full of different feelings. Anxiety, nerves and then I was thinking “Im not ready to be a Dad” “Can I cope with being a Dad”

Jane: Did you go to books or the internet, or other Dads that you knew and talk to them?

Dan: Yes, one Dad’s advice was “Prepare for your house to be full of primary coloured plastic”  Which I think is very good advice. But on the internet, I think that sometimes, looking into  things too much gave me too many things to worry about.

Because there are a lot of complications  during pregnancy that I had never even thought about, and I would read these on the internet,  and it would scare me, and then I wouldn’t be able to tell my other half, the things that were  going on inside my head that I had just read on the internet.

Jane: That’s interesting, that finding out too much was making you more nervous. You would think  it would reassure you.

Dan: No, I didn’t realise all the things that could go wrong.I wish now, I hadn’t looked at all  different pregnancy websites, and I wish that I’d have just looked at good advice on good  websites (such as your own)

Jane: Thank you. My next question is about, as the pregnancy was getting further along, did you  feel pushed out? Because your partner was getting all the attention and it was all happening to  her. Did you feel that you weren’t part of the pregnancy anymore?

Dan: Yes, but I didn’t say anything! Yes, I did but, I know that pregnancy totally revolves  around the woman. But I felt as if I wanted to do the right balance. I didn’t want to do too  much that I was suffocating her and covering her in cotton wool. But at the same time, I needed  her to know that I was there for her every step of the way, and that I was happy to do anything  that she needed doing during the pregnancy.

Jane: Did you feel that you needed a more defined role as the future parent, and there were  certain tasks that you had to do, as potential father, well father to be.

Dan: Yeah, I think that, there are no books out there, that basically say “This is how to behave  when your other half is pregnant. I don’t think I would have read it if there was such a book.

I  think it depends on the persons individual relationship, how they are together and how they work  together. Like we worked quite well together, as a team.

I remember, when she started getting  big, she needed a hand putting her socks on. So that was something that I could do to help. And  her back was getting sore, so sometimes I’d massage her back because she’d get back pains. So it  helped that she was able to ask me for little things that she needed help with, but I was  willing to do anything.

Jane: Great, one final quick question. Did everything work out fine in the end?

Dan: It did thank you.

Jane: And you ended up with, was it a boy or girl?

Dan: We ended uo with a beautiful little baby boy.

Jane: Fantastic! Thanks for your time Dan.

Dan: Thank you.