Alcohol and pregnancy

In the news today there is more advice from the government about the amount of alcohol we should drink. They say have two alcohol-free days, how about if you are pregnant though? The rules seem to change on this frequently, so how much are we really allowed to drink?

Do the quotas change depending on how pregnant you are? Does drinking while pregnant really affect the baby growing inside? So many questions, here’s our advice…

Is is really worth risking your baby’s health for the sake of a drink?

What happens when you drink when you are pregnant?

The placenta connects you to your baby, and you pass nutrients and oxygen to you baby via your bloodstream into the placenta. This means that if you drink alcohol when you are pregnant you are passing alcohol from your bloodstream into your baby’s blood.

Heavy drinking can damage your baby’s nervous system as it develops and prevent the correct development of it’s organs.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
Drinking alcohol when you are pregnant puts your baby at risk of developing foetal alcohol syndrome. This syndrome can be serious and is lifelong. You can not ‘put it right’ once your baby is born. There are many symptoms associated with babies born with fatal alcohol syndrome.

• low birth weight
• facial abnormalities
• learning difficulties
• behavioural problems

At Online Mum we are not doctors or health experts but our advice is – if you possibly can – don’t drink alcohol at all when you are pregnant.

Never feel pressured to drink while you are pregnant – if people don’t know you are pregnant yet, they may encourage you to drink. Just say no, tell then you are driving, you are on a health kick, or diet, or that you just don’t fancy a drink.

Decoys are a great way of hiding the fact that you are not drinking alcohol. Mocktails look like any other drink, taste great, are healthy and provide a great decoy! Have a look at the examples below:

Increase your chances of getting pregnant.

Some women fall pregnant very easily if they are trying for a baby, others wait months. Unfortunately, some women no matter what methods they try, find it hard or almost impossible to fall pregnant.

If trying to get pregnant is new to you, this article will give you some helpful advice:

I want to get pregnant – Should I have sex when I am ovulating?

You will be most fertile when you are ovulating – when an egg is released from your ovaries. There are two schools of thought on trying to get pregnant during your most fertile days:

1. sex when you are ovulating will increase your chance of getting pregnant,
2. stress decreases your chance of getting pregnant and planning sex to your cycle can be very stressful for you and your partner. Sex on demand is not necessarily sexy!

Regular sex (every 2 to 3 days) is often cited as giving you the best chance of getting pregnant.

Your menstrual cycle
You ovulate approximately halfway through your menstrual cycle. This means that if your cycle is 28 days long, you will ovulate between days 13 to 19. (Day 1 being the 1st day of your period.)

Signs of ovulation
Signs that you are ovulating can include

• tender breasts
• abdominal pain
• watery stretchy and slippery vaginal discharge
• an increased temperature
• increased sex drive

If you have unprotected sex when you are ovulating, you are more likely to get pregnant than at other times of the month. Predicting ovulation is not an exact science, but the following calculator can help.

Simply enter the date of the first day of your LAST period, and how many days you usually have in your cycle.

Ovulation predictors are not guaranteed. The above calculator relies on a regular menstrual cycle, if your cycle is irregular, it is much more difficult to predict ovulation dates.

Also, it may sound silly, but never use an ovulation calculator as a method of birth control!

If I am honest, when I was pregnant, I was more scared about having a C-section than a natural birth. I understand that some women are very anxious about birth and labour, and for them a C-section is the lesser of two evils.

If the woman or the baby’s life is at risk during  labour she will be rushed to theatre for an emergency C-Section, and this could safe one or both lives and we should be grateful for the skill of surgeons that do save so many lives in this way. What we are talking about here is elective C-sections, that is planning to have surgery instead of a natural birth. Some women do this for medical reasons, they have talked with their doctor and surgery will be the safest way to bring their baby into the world.

Other women are anxious about birth, this could be due to a previous difficult labour, or a perceived view of labour. This fear can be overwhelming.

New guideline from NICE (National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence) – the organisation that makes recommendations to the NHS on new and existing medicines, treatments and procedures – says that women who are determined to have an elective C-section should be allowed to do so. Previously, Doctors were advided to refuse an elective C-section for non-medical reasons. This means that if a woman wanted rather than needed a Caesarian the Doctor responsible for her pregnancy could refuse. This has changed. The guidelines now say that after counselling, if a woman still wants a C-section she should be able to have one. This will calm many women’s fears.

What are the actual pros and cons of having a planned C-section?:

A planned C-section can reduce certain risks for women:

• pain during birth
• pain in the 3 days following birth
• injury to her vagina
• haemorrhage (bleeding)
• shock

Planned Caesarean section may increase certain risks for women:

• she may need a longer hospital stay
• surgery may result in needing a hysterectomy
• she is at higher risk of cardiac arrest

Risks for the baby

Fluid may not be pushed out of the baby’s lungs correctly as would happen in a vaginal birth and the risk of a baby needing intensive care rises.

At the end of the day a C-section is a major operation, and should never be seen as the easy option.

Only the other day my hubby was talking about how great it would have been if he had been allowed to stay in the hospital with me when our son was born. He felt shut out and not important in the first day of our son’s life. Yes, he got to hold him and start that important bonding time, but then as it got later all Dad’s were asked (oh so politely) to leave.

I felt abandoned and very alone. There I was, a mum for the first time, a tiny bundle of joy next to me sleeping (for now) in his crib, and I really didn’t know what I was doing. What I really wanted was my hubby, and he was at home feeling very separated from the whole experience.

So imagine our relief when we read the news today! Midwives are being urged to encourage fathers to be more involved in their partner’s pregnancies. Some hospitals are now providing reclining chairs for fathers to sleep in overnight, so they can stay with their newborn and partner.

As my hubby said,

“Dads are part of the family too, I felt so out of the loop, I knew you were the most important thing, it was your health, your body, and you were going through pregnancy and birth, but I wanted to help.”

The Fatherhood Institute seem to agree.

“by restricting the conversation only to mothers and/or by failing to clearly and directly address fathers about what’s happening, so they might provide much-needed, well-informed support at such a difficult time – aren’t we missing an opportunity to ease an intolerable burden of responsibility for women? And aren’t we, ultimately, doing our children a disservice?”

On the day we became a family instead of a couple, we were torn apart and separated by red tape and tradition. Who can say that this is a good thing. It is wonderful when a father wants to be involved in his partner’s pregnancy and the birth of his child. When that happens he really should be encouraged and supported too, Dads should be part of the process.

The news article today really is a step forward and it’s a long way from the days when fathers weren’t even allowed in the hospital while their wives gave birth, and they just had to wait for that phone call telling them they had become a Dad.

Now that is a strange title for any post!

It starts off a bit like a horror movie, but it’s not really that complicated.

Let me start at the beginning…

A friend is pregnant, which is wonderful. However, she has a degenerative illness, which didn’t worry her TOO MUCH, until she got pregnant. Though she won’t pass her illness directly onto her baby, there is a risk.

Being a whizz at internet research I said I would help her on her quest for information. I looked up all the information I could, I weighed up the risks, I looked at every avenue of her helping her future off-spring. I knew nothing about storing newborn baby’s stem cells (or cord blood). It was so interesting I thought I would share it with you…

Stem cell storage and the treatments using them get both good and bad press. Cases hit the headlines and politicians debate the ethics, but many people (certainly me) did not know that Stem Cells have been used to treat illnesses like leukaemia for decades. Stem cells are the basis of bone-marrow transplants – now that’s a phrase I am much more familiar with!

In some countries stem cell storage is commonplace, in others it is much more difficult to convince the powers-that-be to store cord blood at birth and therefore store stem cells for the future.

The problem seems to be that only a few illnesses can be treated with stem cells, so stem cell DONATION appears to be more of an option in some countries. Once a mother has donated cord blood after birth, the stem cells can be used to treat children with some forms of cancer and leukemia.

OK, so what are stem cells and what is this ‘cord blood’?

‘Cord blood’ is ‘Umbilical cord blood’. It is the blood that is left in the placenta and in the umbilical cord after childbirth. (While the umbilical cord is still attached) This blood is jam packed with stem cells. In the right conditions these stem cells can transform into other cells and be used to treat some conditions.

The issue seems to be that while uses are limited now, they could be huge in the future (due to continuous research), but for what and how we just don’t know. The question is – Is it therefore sensible to store cord blood as a precaution that it will be useful in the future? Once it’s gone, it’s gone, you can never go back and get it.

Research has shown good results in the using stem cells to treat some medical conditions:

• ischemic heart disease,
• cancer,
• spinal cord lesions,
• bone fractures,
• burns,
• strokes,
• multiple sclerosis,
• Alzheimer’s disease,
• Parkinson’s disease,
• Huntington’s disease
• Diabetes.

…and the research continues
Other research is looking into using stem cells for:

• regenerating organs,
• repairing damaged muscle tissue
• repairing damaged tendons
• creating skin grafts for burns

Stem cells can be used to replace damaged or abnormal blood cells. This happens in treatment for some malignant blood disorders.

At the moment it is extremely unlikely that a baby will ever use their own stem cells, collected in this way. However, it is the chance that cord blood stem cells can be used to treat or cure conditions in the future that convinces many people to have cord blood stored.

So can I advice my friend to store her baby’s cord blood? I really don’t know, but the subject is fascinating.

Your newborn has spent the last 9 months inside you, in the dark, in water, with strange echoey noises all around them. Then after a stressful time getting born, they find themselves in a whole new world.

The world as they knew it has changed forever.

If you think you and your partner are bewildered when you bring your newborn home for the 1st time – spare a thought for what the baby is going through. It takes time for you to adjust, and so it will for your baby too. OK you both may take to your new worlds like ducks to water, but it may just take a little time.

So what can you do make those 1st few days that bit easier?

The 1st bit of advice lasts for their whole lives and is sometimes quite hard to do:

Stay calm!

If you are stressed, your child will pick up on it. Take as much time as you can to chill out, put your feet up, and take a deep breath.

Talk, read and sing
Your baby will know your voice – they have been listening to it from your womb for weeks. They will find your voice soothing and calming. Talk to your baby, sing to them lullabies (or any song will do). Reading to your newborn is a good way of bonding with and calming your baby. It doesn’t have to be kids stories, you can read a novel or the newspaper. It’s the tone of your voice that is important. Keep it calm and soothing.

Cuddles and touch
Cuddling your new baby has to be one of the greatest joys of motherhood (or fatherhood). You really can’t cuddle them enough. It’s calming and soothing for you both. Your baby will love feeling secure and close to you, and will get comfort from hearing the rhythm of your heartbeat. Remember they will have had your heartbeat soothing them in the womb.

When you are drying your baby after a bath, stroke their arms and legs, and gently rub their back. Book yourselves into a baby massage class and learn how you can help relieve colic and constipation with simple massage techniques that will help you to bond with your baby and be calming for you both.

When your baby cries
Your newborn only knows one form of communication. When they want attention they will cry.  Don’t expect that you will understand every cry straight away – why should you? In time you will learn when cries mean “I’m hungry” or “I’m tired” or “My tummy hurts” or just “I want a cuddle”

So don’t be afraid of going to your baby when they cry. At first you have to get to know one another. You will know when it is time to leave them for a while.

You may feel out of your depth when you first bring home baby, but don’t worry – we all do. It will take time for you and your baby to adjust to your new lives. Let it happen naturally, and don’t worry.

It’s not often I see something from the Government and I think – now that’s a great idea….
But…. the Healthy Start scheme really does deserve a heads up. I had not heard of it, and I wonder how many women that qualify are not told about it.

Basically, it is a scheme where some women (in the UK) can get free fruit, vegetables, milk and vitamins. If you are pregnant, have children under 4 and receive certain benefits you should qualify.

What you can get:

• liquid cow’s milk
• plain fresh and frozen fruit
• plain fresh and frozen vegetables
• infant formula milk

All you need to do is fill in the application form, and get signed by your registered midwife, nurse or medical practitioner.

Sounds like a good idea to me!

I’ve posted this video for 1 reason only – it is so funny!

Every time I watch it, it makes me laugh so much. She sings about  the ‘joys’ of childbirth, in a way that is true yet is funny. You may have seen it before, but you never tire of watching a classic again!

Childbirth Song lyrics

You’ve bags under your eyes
You’ve got boobs to your knees
Your hand’s full of poo and your bra’s full of cheese
Your stomach is bloated your clothes do not fit
He still wants sex while you feel like shit
He begs for this favour not long after labour
It’s like eating a meal after you’ve just been sick

And the boys at the office tell him I should give him what he wants
To this I say that they’re a bunch of lalalalalalala

You bastard you cocked up it’s you got me knocked up
Just cos you want me to have bigger tits
You’re pleading, you’re pining
Oh please stop your whining
You’re not getting sex ’til the kid’s 26

You say you want another child, another pregnancy
When you can poo a watermelon I’ll agree

I could have been someone if you just hadn’t come (along)
If I hadn’t been so drunk and I’d said maybe
We’d be going out and stuff, now there’s foreceps up my chuff
Pulling the head of a screaming 10lb baby

And the mums on Hornby Island* say keep breast feeding ’til they’re four
If I do I won’t have nipples anymore

And all the doctors told me that I’d need a stitch or ten
I say sew me up so I can’t do this again.

*an island nearby with a reputation for being very wholesome!

It’s a parody written by Helen Austin and performed at Voices Three 2007, a concert that raised $3000 for the Hospice

Myself and my boyfriend wanted a baby, so this was easy for us. We watched the pregnancy test together and waited for that little blue line. If on the other hand becoming pregnant has been a bit of a shock and telling him is the next big shock, how can you go about it?  

Some things to think about:

• 1st and most important. Do YOU want to be pregnant?
• Do you think he will be supportive and happy, or scared and unsupportive?
• Do you think he will need time to get used to the idea?
• Is there a friend he can talk to about it? Someone who is a Dad would be a good idea.
• Put yourself in his shoes. Will it be a total shock to him that you are pregnant?
• Have you ever discussed having children together?
• Your age, the strength of your relationship and your personal circumstances are important.

When to tell him you are pregnant

• Pregnancy lasts 9 months, but the sooner you find out, the sooner you should tell him. But don’t rush in – think about what you are going to say 1st. This is an important moment for him as well as you.

How to tell him you are pregnant

• Face to face is a good idea. He can see your reaction, and more importantly – you can see his!
• Don’t tell him when other people are around. This is a private moment between the 2 of you.
• You could tell him you think you might be pregnant, and do the test together.

Pregnancy test

Doing a pregnancy test too early can give you a negative result when you are actually pregnant. They all seem to work pretty much the same, you wee on the end of the stick, then wait for a couple of minutes. Those minutes can last a lifetime though!

I really didn’t believe the test as the line was very feint, so I took several more. They all said the same. My Doctor said it didn’t matter how feint the line was, if there is a line, no matter how feint – you are pregnant.

Of course,  pregnancy tests are not 100% accurate, a urine test sent off to the hospital by your GP will tell you for sure.

Online Mum chats to first time dad Dan. He has a young son and lives with his partner. I wanted to know how he felt about becoming a dad for the first time. Was he scared or happy did he worry or just breeze through his partners pregnancy?

Are you a Dad?

How did you feel when your partner was pregnant?

Let us know…

Transcript of the chat with Dan about his partner being pregnant

Jane: Hi thanks for listening in today. Today we are going to be chatting to a first time Dad  about pregnancy.

So, hi Dan, I’d like to first ask you about when you first found out you were going to become a  Dad, from that pregnancy test moment, and finding out your partner was going to have a baby.  What was going though your head,how did you feel?

Dan: I was the person who suggested that she took the pregnancy test, so we were both quite  excited. I remember after the pregnancy test, we got this very faint blue line, very faint,  fainter than what I expected it to look like. And even then, even though it showed a faint line,  I didn’t know 100% that it was definately, that she was definately pregnant.So we needed it  confirming by a Doctor a couple of days later.

Jane: And I presume she confirmed it.

Dan: She did, she confirmed it. we got a sample sent off to the hospital, and then they rang us  up a couple of days later and told us the news.

Jane: Briliant. So would you say your strongest emotion was excitement?

Dan: I was excited, because we were trying for a baby.But at the same time I was still scared.  Its a bit like, when that thing happens that you want, and you realise that it is true, you  become full of different feelings. Anxiety, nerves and then I was thinking “Im not ready to be a Dad” “Can I cope with being a Dad”

Jane: Did you go to books or the internet, or other Dads that you knew and talk to them?

Dan: Yes, one Dad’s advice was “Prepare for your house to be full of primary coloured plastic”  Which I think is very good advice. But on the internet, I think that sometimes, looking into  things too much gave me too many things to worry about.

Because there are a lot of complications  during pregnancy that I had never even thought about, and I would read these on the internet,  and it would scare me, and then I wouldn’t be able to tell my other half, the things that were  going on inside my head that I had just read on the internet.

Jane: That’s interesting, that finding out too much was making you more nervous. You would think  it would reassure you.

Dan: No, I didn’t realise all the things that could go wrong.I wish now, I hadn’t looked at all  different pregnancy websites, and I wish that I’d have just looked at good advice on good  websites (such as your own)

Jane: Thank you. My next question is about, as the pregnancy was getting further along, did you  feel pushed out? Because your partner was getting all the attention and it was all happening to  her. Did you feel that you weren’t part of the pregnancy anymore?

Dan: Yes, but I didn’t say anything! Yes, I did but, I know that pregnancy totally revolves  around the woman. But I felt as if I wanted to do the right balance. I didn’t want to do too  much that I was suffocating her and covering her in cotton wool. But at the same time, I needed  her to know that I was there for her every step of the way, and that I was happy to do anything  that she needed doing during the pregnancy.

Jane: Did you feel that you needed a more defined role as the future parent, and there were  certain tasks that you had to do, as potential father, well father to be.

Dan: Yeah, I think that, there are no books out there, that basically say “This is how to behave  when your other half is pregnant. I don’t think I would have read it if there was such a book.

I  think it depends on the persons individual relationship, how they are together and how they work  together. Like we worked quite well together, as a team.

I remember, when she started getting  big, she needed a hand putting her socks on. So that was something that I could do to help. And  her back was getting sore, so sometimes I’d massage her back because she’d get back pains. So it  helped that she was able to ask me for little things that she needed help with, but I was  willing to do anything.

Jane: Great, one final quick question. Did everything work out fine in the end?

Dan: It did thank you.

Jane: And you ended up with, was it a boy or girl?

Dan: We ended uo with a beautiful little baby boy.

Jane: Fantastic! Thanks for your time Dan.

Dan: Thank you.