Here at Online Mum we don’t normally cover issues regarding school age children, but we are about to make an exception. The people at School Admissions sent us a copy of their book The School Admission Guide, and I must say I was very impressed.

I know from applying for a Primary School place for my son, the whole process can be a minefield. This book however does explain and simplify the whole application process. I didn’t know how the system worked and from reading the book I think I was very very lucky that my son got the place he did! I would have listed different schools if I had known how places were allocated. 

The book covers everything, from what you should look at before you actually apply for schools, to the application form itself. I didn’t even go and visit the schools I listed second and third on the application form. I thought it was a given that I would get my first choice. After reading the book, this seems so foolish.

What I really liked was that you don’t just get the book, you also get another two books FREE (I like free) and two videos as well. The first of the other books is all about different kinds of school. Who runs them, why they are different from other schools and so on. This is really useful as a resource, and it told me a lot that I didn’t know. What is the difference between a voluntary-aided and a voluntary-controlled school? Ha! I’m not going to tell you, but the book does. When I was younger and I saw ‘controlled’ on a school sign I got the impression it was a kind of prison arrangement, and the children had to be ‘controlled’ in some way.  How silly was that!

The second of the Free books, concentrates on School Admission appeals. I am glad I didn’t have to go through the appeal process for my son’s primary school place. However, I may need to when it comes to secondary schools, and reading this guide has given me food for thought.

One niggle I do have is that one of the videos does seem like an unnecessary add on. It is about appeal hearings and doesn’t seem to say anything that isn’t in the book – but Hey, it is free, so I really wouldn’t be too bothered. The other video is really useful though. It is all about the system that councils use to allocate school places. I must admit, how it works did confuse me, and the video did help straighten things out in my head.

Overall, I really say that I found this book incredibly interesting and wish I had read it before applying for my sons school place. I would have had far fewer sleepless nights worrying if I had.

For more information or to buy a copy go to the school admissions website.

Only the other day my hubby was talking about how great it would have been if he had been allowed to stay in the hospital with me when our son was born. He felt shut out and not important in the first day of our son’s life. Yes, he got to hold him and start that important bonding time, but then as it got later all Dad’s were asked (oh so politely) to leave.

I felt abandoned and very alone. There I was, a mum for the first time, a tiny bundle of joy next to me sleeping (for now) in his crib, and I really didn’t know what I was doing. What I really wanted was my hubby, and he was at home feeling very separated from the whole experience.

So imagine our relief when we read the news today! Midwives are being urged to encourage fathers to be more involved in their partner’s pregnancies. Some hospitals are now providing reclining chairs for fathers to sleep in overnight, so they can stay with their newborn and partner.

As my hubby said,

“Dads are part of the family too, I felt so out of the loop, I knew you were the most important thing, it was your health, your body, and you were going through pregnancy and birth, but I wanted to help.”

The Fatherhood Institute seem to agree.

“by restricting the conversation only to mothers and/or by failing to clearly and directly address fathers about what’s happening, so they might provide much-needed, well-informed support at such a difficult time – aren’t we missing an opportunity to ease an intolerable burden of responsibility for women? And aren’t we, ultimately, doing our children a disservice?”

On the day we became a family instead of a couple, we were torn apart and separated by red tape and tradition. Who can say that this is a good thing. It is wonderful when a father wants to be involved in his partner’s pregnancy and the birth of his child. When that happens he really should be encouraged and supported too, Dads should be part of the process.

The news article today really is a step forward and it’s a long way from the days when fathers weren’t even allowed in the hospital while their wives gave birth, and they just had to wait for that phone call telling them they had become a Dad.

With the latest research released by Pampers Active Fit revealing “that parents spend on average 40 minutes each week looking for household items moved by their babies as part of play time.” I wondered if this is actually a very conservative figure.

I know I seemed to spend an age looking for stuff. I’m not sure if it was a case of Mumnesia (any new mum will confirm this is a genuine affliction! ) my offspring trying to be helpful and tidying things away, or simply he knew how to wind me up.

Pampers have worked out that parents are “spending on average a staggering 2080 minutes [or 34 hours] over the course of a year looking for toys and household items their baby has lost.”

I wondered how this time could be better spent…

• Watching 20 movies – non stop!
• Having sex with your partner (2080 times)
• Catching up on much needed sleep

I found that as time went on, I spent more time looking for things. As my baby grew into a toddler, things seemed to migrate that bit further. The things that disappeared changed too, from dummies and toys, to the car keys, my mobile phone, money, food from the fridge, and yes even his bike!

According to the Pampers research

“The most common places toddlers hide items, which are then found by parents, are down or under the back of the sofa (40%), in the baby’s toy chest (14%), under the table (10%), in the pram (9%) and behind the TV (8%).

The strangest places parents have found missing household items or small toys include the washing machine or tumble dryer (one in five), the fridge (one in six) and stuck down the toilet (one in ten).

The most common items to be found down the back of the sofa are toys (nearly two thirds of those surveyed), unwanted snacks (six in ten) and dummies (just over a half of all respondents).”

It all sounds so frighteningly familiar!

I was wondering if I can have back all the time spent on looking for things, probably not.

What’s the strangest thing your baby has hidden/lost and where did you find it?

Your newborn has spent the last 9 months inside you, in the dark, in water, with strange echoey noises all around them. Then after a stressful time getting born, they find themselves in a whole new world.

The world as they knew it has changed forever.

If you think you and your partner are bewildered when you bring your newborn home for the 1st time – spare a thought for what the baby is going through. It takes time for you to adjust, and so it will for your baby too. OK you both may take to your new worlds like ducks to water, but it may just take a little time.

So what can you do make those 1st few days that bit easier?

The 1st bit of advice lasts for their whole lives and is sometimes quite hard to do:

Stay calm!

If you are stressed, your child will pick up on it. Take as much time as you can to chill out, put your feet up, and take a deep breath.

Talk, read and sing
Your baby will know your voice – they have been listening to it from your womb for weeks. They will find your voice soothing and calming. Talk to your baby, sing to them lullabies (or any song will do). Reading to your newborn is a good way of bonding with and calming your baby. It doesn’t have to be kids stories, you can read a novel or the newspaper. It’s the tone of your voice that is important. Keep it calm and soothing.

Cuddles and touch
Cuddling your new baby has to be one of the greatest joys of motherhood (or fatherhood). You really can’t cuddle them enough. It’s calming and soothing for you both. Your baby will love feeling secure and close to you, and will get comfort from hearing the rhythm of your heartbeat. Remember they will have had your heartbeat soothing them in the womb.

When you are drying your baby after a bath, stroke their arms and legs, and gently rub their back. Book yourselves into a baby massage class and learn how you can help relieve colic and constipation with simple massage techniques that will help you to bond with your baby and be calming for you both.

When your baby cries
Your newborn only knows one form of communication. When they want attention they will cry.  Don’t expect that you will understand every cry straight away – why should you? In time you will learn when cries mean “I’m hungry” or “I’m tired” or “My tummy hurts” or just “I want a cuddle”

So don’t be afraid of going to your baby when they cry. At first you have to get to know one another. You will know when it is time to leave them for a while.

You may feel out of your depth when you first bring home baby, but don’t worry – we all do. It will take time for you and your baby to adjust to your new lives. Let it happen naturally, and don’t worry.

It’s not often I see something from the Government and I think – now that’s a great idea….
But…. the Healthy Start scheme really does deserve a heads up. I had not heard of it, and I wonder how many women that qualify are not told about it.

Basically, it is a scheme where some women (in the UK) can get free fruit, vegetables, milk and vitamins. If you are pregnant, have children under 4 and receive certain benefits you should qualify.

What you can get:

• liquid cow’s milk
• plain fresh and frozen fruit
• plain fresh and frozen vegetables
• infant formula milk

All you need to do is fill in the application form, and get signed by your registered midwife, nurse or medical practitioner.

Sounds like a good idea to me!

As David Cameron hits the headlines again – this time venting his spleen at runaway dads, I thought I would write a post extolling the virtues of great Dads.

Don’t get me wrong  – runaway dads SHOULD get bad press – they deserve it. But not all absent Dads are absent because they want to be. We know this. The issue is not clear cut. Relationships are so much more complicated than that. Furthermore, bad parenting by present fathers (and mothers) is just as bad as not being there at all.

Anyway, rant over, back to the wonderful things Dads do.

My 4yo has suddenly become “Bestest Friends” with his Dad. This is great as it gives me MUCH more free time as I am often sent away, (Go away Mummy! Mummy GO AWAY!) so 4yo can have quality time with his Dad – OK this usually means playing computer games but they are together and that is GREAT.

His Dad is ALWAYS gonna be better than me with LEGO, computer games, and shooting games. I just will never be good at these. I love the bond he has with his Dad. Even at 4 they talk about girls. (I will imagine this will stop when he hits puberty!) They watch TV together, his Dad’s Mr Bean impressions are SO much better than mine! He keeps him protected during the scary bits of Scooby Doo.

I am glad that he still loves me, and always will, no one is gonna replace his Mum. But today on Fathers Day I am happy that father and son are just happy spending real quality time together, and they are able to do this.

Our thoughts go out to all the great dad’s who can’t be part of their children’s lives. Dad’s often get overlooked in the whole parenting thing (sometimes very deservedly so).

Happy Fathers Day to all the good Dad’s out there.

As it was a gift, I had no preconceptions of this book, but reading the cover got me intrigued.

The intrigue didn’t stop. It’s not often I simply CAN’T put a book down. By the 5th page I was totally absorbed into the characters and their lives.

Why am I posting a review of it on this site you may well ask… well the love Ma has for her son Jack is so totally awe-inspiring I just had to! The things she does to help her son grow in a world just 12 foot square is amazing. She really is his world.

I’m not going to give away the plot, that really would spoil so much. What I will say is Room by Emma Donoghue is narrated by 5 year old Jack. He lives with his Ma in Room. He knows of no world outside Room, in fact he believes everything on TV is made up and everything in Room is real.

Some people have found Jack’s narration a little annoying, and complained that it stopped his Ma having a ‘voice’. However I found it very original to have the whole book described from a 5 year old’s point of view. What we would find a very bizarre and frightening way of life, Jack saw as totally normal.  It really emphasized that it is love and time that is most important and the things that kids remember about their childhood, not whether they have the latest Nintendo, or the coolest trainers.

Heart-wrenching, tear jerking and moving, this book is still haunting me days after finishing the last page. I mean haunting in a good way, I just can’t get Jack and his Ma out of my head.

If you are interested in reading it, the paperback is only £3.99 from Amazon!

Room is just one of those books that stays with you, the best kind of book!

If you have read it – please add your thoughts below.

A friend posted this on Facebook:

You just know when your toddler is up to something!

“How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when, Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes back home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Aladdin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 320KM/h, Sleeping Beauty is lazy and Snow White lives with 7 guys.
We shouldn’t be surprised if kids misbehave at times!”

Then I saw this article from the BBC about it being parents responsibility for the behaviour of their children. It got me thinking…

Just who is responsible for the behaviour of our kids?

When are kids old enough to take responsibility themselves?

My child is 4. He sometimes knows that something is wrong, but he still needs guidance. His take on life seems to be that if it is fun, it can’t be bad. If that means bopping me on the nose, so be it. He is still learning. He has to learn that if he lives in society there are rules he has to live by. And he will learn this.

While he is a child, I am quite happy to take responsibility for him. If he doesn’t understand that what he has done is wrong, then it is my fault for not helping him understand. There will come a time when he starts making decisions about right and wrong himself. Hopefully he makes the right decisions. I don’t know when that will happen. The sooner he learns that bopping me on the nose is wrong the better!

Can children take responsibility if they have poor role models?

The example of kids movie characters being poor role models is maybe a facetious one, but there is truth in it. My son DOES blame Pingu for making a mess then not tidying up. He has got half way there, he knows he shouldn’t make a mess, so blames someone else. And if they INSIST that a fictional character has done something what can you do, apart from ban said fictional character from the house (and the DVD player)?

My son likes the ‘naughty’ characters. I don’t really want him to grow up in an Enid Blyton world where kids always mind their P’s and Q’s and offer deference to their elders.

At the end of the day he knows the difference between reality and fiction. No matter how hard he tries to convince me that it was Pingu who moved the car keys. His Dad and me are his role models, if we behave properly, making good decisions and trying not to hurt other people, then I have confidence that so will he.

What role do teachers have – can we as parents pass the buck and blame teachers for not stamping out bad behaviour?

I really don’t think so. As a child, the children in my class were as much afraid of what their parents might say as they were about being ’sent to the head’. Parents would warn their kids about being good in school, and largely, kids were. If the teacher was good, so were the kids. OK, when a weak, poor teacher was in charge of the class, yes riots ensued, but that was not normal. These days the powers of teachers have been eroded, and with it the behaviour of kids in school. They have so much less to fear. Surely though, if they are brought up to respect their elders, then they would not give teachers a hard time.

At the end of the day, we as parents need to stop passing the buck. Our kids are our responsibility. From the cradle to beyond puberty, they will always be our kids and we will should always be offering guidance and an example they can look up to.

This video is just brilliant, it is a school answering machine message, and I think all teachers wish it was their school message!