I suppose it’s one of the things that just happen when you have learned enough words to really express yourself, but 3yo seems to know exactly which excuse to use and when.

These are his favourites:

• But I’m JUST….looking (meaning being nosey)
• But I’m JUST… checking (meaning being nosey)
• I NEED a hug/cuddle (I ALWAYS fall for this one, as it sounds so cute, but he just wants to be picked up and carried)
• I’ve hurt my legs on the floor (Also his way of getting carried)
• I don’t like it (he seems to think just not liking something is good enough reason not to do it. The trouble is many adults still use this excuse. 3yo applies it to drink/food/toys/nursery/stories – erm, well everything get’s it’s turn with “I don’t like it!)

Excuses for not going to bed

• It’s not bedtme yet (he applies this from the mere suggestion that it is bedtime, until he falls asleep; this can be minutes or hours)
  
• It’s NEARLY bedtime (can 3yo tell the time better than me?)
  
• It’s not dark yet (how do you explain light summer nights to a toddler?)
  
• There are no stars yet (ditto)
  
• I don’t like pyjamas (yes, I’ve tried suggesting he goes to bed in other things instead)
  
• I don’t need pyjamas (ditto)
  
• That’s not my bed cos Teddy is in it (this one stumps me)
  

Special excuses that he just HAS to get out of bed for:

• I need a wee/poo (acceptable excuse, well, it is for the 1st 3 times in 1 night)
• Teddy has done a poo (I never really know whether to humour this one or ignore it, at 3 in the morning it is definately the latter)
• Pingu has pooed on the floor (Fictional TV characters generally don’t deficate on children’s bedroom floors)
• I need water/milk (acceptable excuse but it invariably leads on to the 1st excuses in this section)
  
• I am still hungry, I am only full up to my knees! (3yo thinks if he is not ‘full up to his head’ at all times he will explode. I guess breakfast time can be a long way off, but I still say midnight snacks are not a good idea)
  

There is a section in the back of his Excuse Manual, dedicated to negotiation tactics. It generally teaches toddlers to raise the stakes if too few treats are offered:

Me: You can have 2 jelly babies
3yo: I need 3 (and he  means handfuls not actual sweets, not that he gets away with that!)

I suppose I should be glad that he can count!

This section also reminds them to work one parent off against the other:

3yo: Daddy lets me do that!

This excuse relates to ANYTHING that I say no to, and vise versa.

The advanced section suggests he uses people who I can’t immediately check with. ‘I do that at Grandma’s.’

I really want to consficate his Excuse Manual, but I don’t know where he has hidden it. I think it is in the same place that odd socks go.