This is the story of a sad little duck.  He is orange, his hair looks like he has been electrocuted, and for some reason kids love him.

At my son’s school the Reception and Nursery children take home Storysacks each week. It is a great idea. Each Storysack has a theme, from fire engines to cooking … to ducks. There are books, toys, or puzzles in each sack, and the kids never know what their sack will reveal until Friday evening after school when they open them like it’s Christmas morning.

I am getting ahead of myself though, back to this sad little duck (which I think is really a platypus). Of all the Storysacks the “Duck” one has struck a chord with the children. They take him to bed and cuddle him all night. They give him a name and make him one of the family.

Just what is his attraction? I think they may feel sorry for him as he is bedraggled and looks like he has had a hard life. Maybe he tells them stories about life on the pond, fighting with ducks and herons, waiting for children to wander down to the pond side and throw them tasty (stale) bread. They care for him and don’t care that he has had better days, they see past his bald spots and his green tinged legs.

It makes me think that we, as adults should think like children and that duck a bit more often. I am quick to judge, and make far too many assumptions. I don’t see the best in people often enough. A child wouldn’t walk straight past a big issue seller, a child is happy playing with a cardboard box, a child loves without barriers.

Maybe we should take a leaf out of our children’s books a bit more often!

Now my son is at school and happy, I was wondering if there was anything more I could or should have done with him before he went off to the magical place that gives me 6 hours of unbridled peace a day.

He is doing well at school, so I don’t think so, but it got me thinking that all children need a bucket list of things to do before they start school.

So this is our bucket list (even though it is a bit retrospective), of all the wonderful things we did do while he was still in those wonderful pre-school years. (And a few we should have done.)

1. Have a pyjama day
2. Watch his favourite video non stop all day
3. Learn to spell out, write and read his name
4. Paint with our feet so the paint goes all squidgy between our toes
5. Face our fears – him: dogs me: spiders (not really conquered mine so he is beating me there!)
6. Go swimming
7. Have his friends over for a sleepover
8. Go to a friend’s house for a sleepover
9. Stay up REALLY late
10. Learn to ride his bike – without stabilisers
11. Jump in every puddle on a rainy day
12. Draw on the pavement with stones
13. Visit and write to Father Christmas
14. Learn to answer the phone
15. Learn his address
16. Have a birthday party
17. Master all the things in the local park
18. Search for fairies in the woods (we found some!)
19. Stay in a hotel – (he can still remember the room number and thinks that it is his personal room number for his whole life!)
20. Drive like crazy on the Bumper cars at the fair
21. Learn left from right
22. Use a map to find our way to Grandma’s house
23. Get dressed on his own
24. Learn to fasten his coat
25. See the Blackpool Illuminations (UK readers will know what this means, to the rest of the world, Blackpool has the most brilliant display of lights as Christmas approaches)

And finally,
Use his bucket and spade to dig the biggest hole in the world in the sand at the beach – after all this is a Bucket List.

It is nice to give something away at Christmas, and the kind people at Pampers have given us a hamper to give away to one of our readers.

As you can see it is filled with pampers goodies and Christmas yummyness!
All you have to do to be in with a chance of twinning the hamper is send me your email address. I will randomly pick out a winner from all the entries.*

Remember those helpful tips from Pampers for keeping you sane with your baby at Christmas time.

*Closing date is Friday 23rd December 2012

Christmas can be a wonderful time and Christmas with a baby or children even more so…. hang on…  Christmas with kids is a STRESSFUL time!! ARRRGH! So I was really glad to read the Pampers Village Parenting Panel experts ultimate tips for an enjoyable festive season with baby:

Baby Development advice from Dr Maggie Redshaw:

• The first Christmas stocking is really exciting – bubbles to blow, finger puppets and small picture books are great for babies and parents. Interacting through play helps to facilitate conversation through facial expression, sounds and movement.
• Babies really enjoy wrapping paper and boxes at Christmas, and play with them as they would expensive toys so there is no need to spend a lot, but just take care about items that might not be so good to put in the mouth. A box can be a boat, car or den so use your imagination to bring games to life – this will help baby develop through social and make-believe play.
• Christmas is usually a time for lots of indoor play, but make the most of it when it’s bright and crisp to get out to the park to try a kick around with a ball or play in the leaves/snow – this will help baby to develop physically while having fun. 

Sleep advice from Wendy Dean:

• Christmas can be a disruptive time when you are trying to establish or stick to a baby sleep routine. Here are some tips to ensure that your baby will be asleep when Father Christmas arrives:
• Try and keep your bedtime routine consistent whether you are at home or at a relative’s house. Your baby will then be prepared for sleep, despite the excitement going on around them.
• If you do take your baby out in the evening to enjoy a Christmas festivity, do the bedtime routine at home, put them in pyjamas under their coat, feed at the normal times whilst you are out and then when you get home, your baby will be ready to be put directly to bed.
• Do a wind down routine in a quiet room before daytime naps so that your baby takes a break from the excitement and throngs of people to prepare for sleep.

Skin health advice from Dr David Atherton:

• Winter is tough on everyone’s skin, but especially in the case of babies with naturally sensitive or dry skin. Consider the following:
• You can use a humidifier in baby’s bedroom – if you can, make sure it incorporates a hygrometer to shut it down when the humidity is optimal to prevent dampness.
• Apply a protective moisturiser to baby’s face and hands before leaving the house, and re-apply on your return (this one can apply to mum too!)
• Cover the skin when outside. Use gloves, a scarf and a hat to help keep baby’s skin protected and warm.
• Make sure your home isn’t too hot and dry, especially in baby’s bedroom. Turn down the boiler setting, make sure it is off at night and, if you can, get some house plants to help increase the humidity.

Health and fitness advice from Laura Williams:

• Try and resist the temptation to buy too many Christmas treats in the run up to the big day. Reduced price tins of chocolates, packets of mince pies and tubs of peanuts will be calling you after a long hard day and if you’re cold and tired, willpower alone might not do it. Put off stockpiling them for as long as you can, or stash treats in the car or even in the garden shed – this will make them trickier to access when cravings come calling.
• Have some sort of Christmas fitness plan. Pledge to just 15 minutes a day over the holidays to get your heartbeat raised. You don’t even need to lace up your trainers – a game of Hide & Seek could burn quite a few calories in a relatively short space of time with your toddler, while a long(ish) post-lunch walk (45-60 mins) with the family will burn off a small helping of Christmas pud.
• Try and curb your big eating days to just two or three over the Christmas period. For example, give yourself a green light to eat what you like on Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve and for the other days, try and practise moderation, e.g. say no to a mince pie and have a satsuma instead or swap a handful of peanuts for a handful of olives.

Pregnancy advice from Midwife, Mary Steen-Greaves:

• Take a relaxing bath with some lavender drops added to help you de-stress and a warm milky drink to help you have a good night’s sleep.
• Try not to over eat, especially late at night. Eat small meals frequently to help your digestion and keep spicy and fatty foods to a minimum.
• You will still need to wrap up to keep warm when outdoors even though you will feel warmer than usual due to your increased blood. Wear comfortable, sensible footwear to help you maintain a good posture and reduce the risk of slipping in the cold (possibly icy) weather.

Relationship advice from Denise Knowles:

• Involve toddlers in making presents and wrapping them. Taking time to make cards and gifts together helps build the bond between parents and child…it is fun too!
• Delegate as much as possible and ask family to provide elements of the festivities; they’ll feel part of your family and useful – and you won’t feel so stressed. Share the ‘chores’ too. And if you are pregnant, don’t feel guilty about relaxing and putting your feet up; you need to be a little self-indulgent.
• Discuss and stick to a budget for all of the Christmas festivities, presents, food and outings to avoid any disagreements in January when the bills start rolling in.
• Make some time just for you, it’s not selfish to take some time out and sit with a cuppa.

There you have it! OK, so we might have to be supermum to do all of that, but we can try, and they are sensible commonsense tips.

Thankyou and Happy Christmas

My favourite movie is the Muppet Christmas Carol, and there is no excuse not to watch it over and over again now it is nearly Christmas. As Christmas approaches it really makes you think about the joy in your life and yes about the past.

Christmas Past
These days, Christmas is a wonderful time for me; children making too much noise, adults drinking too much wine, friends and family popping in for a chat and a mince pie. Things used to be different though. Christmas has been a very lonely time for me, and a time that I just wanted to speed past and I really couldn’t understand what the fuss was about.

Failed relationships, which always seemed to end in the stressful chaotic time leading up to Christmas have dwelled on me and Hubby the most. Past regrets and love gone wrong can make Christmas such a sad time. Christmas really should be a time of forgiveness and peace, resentment shouldn’t play a part – but it so often does. It’s hard to let go of the past, but when I did it was so liberating. I came to realise that this quote from Eric Butterworth was so right:

“You can’t have a harmonious relationship and hold onto your resentment too. You can’t hold onto your anger and bitterness and still have a healthy heart and a settled stomach.”

You really can’t move on and start living until you have dealt with the past, Budda put it in other words;

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else — you are the one who gets burned.”

I love that quote and it is one that I have said to myself so many times.

Christmas Present
My son has re-awakened the Christmas spirit in me. He has reminded me about the joy and magic of Father Christmas travelling the whole world in an instant to deliver presents to every boy and girl. His wide eyed excitement of Christmas drawing nearer with every day that passes is just an amazing sight.

It makes me very grateful for the people in my life and makes me want to reach out to the people I have half-forgotten, half-neglected, who may surprise me and be happy if I call them.

Christmas Future

So I think that is what I will do. I have made a list of the people that I have been afraid to call. Though I have let go of my anger and forgiven sins of the past, I really don’t want THEIR anger or bitterness. I don’t want to rekindle old grudges. What I want is to lay the past down and offer olive branches. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if everyone did this? Life is too short to harbour anger. And just maybe, me or Hubby might get that Christmas card or phone call from an old friend who has olive branches of their own.

My son and his friends have the right idea. If someone upsets him one day, he is hugging them and calling them his best friend the next. We should look at things with the eyes of a child more often.

John Lennon put it so well;

“So this is Christmas and what have you done
Another year over and a new one just begun.”

I don’t want the past to stop me enjoying the future. Wrongs can be righted. Me and Hubby have been looking back at Christmas’ Past. Some have been full of regrets and some full of joy. Christmas is the perfect time of the year to hold on to the good things in life and let go and put right the bad things.

Happy Christmas and a VERY peaceful 2012 to everyone.

My baby is no longer a baby.

There. I said it.

4yo has 2 days left of nursery, then onward to Big School.  He is ready in body, mind and soul.

He has been visiting Reception to get used to the classroom and teachers. I must say this has been brilliant. 4yo thinks he is the expert now. He tells me about all the toys they have, the water and sand area, the reading corner, the maths area, the creating table (this bit is particularly important). Today he even did PE with them. Needless to say – he loved it!

In short, he can’t wait.

The summer holidays are going to be really short for me, probably for the only time. He can’t wait, but I can!

4yo doesn’t realise that he’s not going to leave school until he is 18! I’ll wait for that penny to drop!

As David Cameron hits the headlines again – this time venting his spleen at runaway dads, I thought I would write a post extolling the virtues of great Dads.

Don’t get me wrong  – runaway dads SHOULD get bad press – they deserve it. But not all absent Dads are absent because they want to be. We know this. The issue is not clear cut. Relationships are so much more complicated than that. Furthermore, bad parenting by present fathers (and mothers) is just as bad as not being there at all.

Anyway, rant over, back to the wonderful things Dads do.

My 4yo has suddenly become “Bestest Friends” with his Dad. This is great as it gives me MUCH more free time as I am often sent away, (Go away Mummy! Mummy GO AWAY!) so 4yo can have quality time with his Dad – OK this usually means playing computer games but they are together and that is GREAT.

His Dad is ALWAYS gonna be better than me with LEGO, computer games, and shooting games. I just will never be good at these. I love the bond he has with his Dad. Even at 4 they talk about girls. (I will imagine this will stop when he hits puberty!) They watch TV together, his Dad’s Mr Bean impressions are SO much better than mine! He keeps him protected during the scary bits of Scooby Doo.

I am glad that he still loves me, and always will, no one is gonna replace his Mum. But today on Fathers Day I am happy that father and son are just happy spending real quality time together, and they are able to do this.

Our thoughts go out to all the great dad’s who can’t be part of their children’s lives. Dad’s often get overlooked in the whole parenting thing (sometimes very deservedly so).

Happy Fathers Day to all the good Dad’s out there.

Anyone who read My Child is Scared of Dogs will know just how much my 4yo was terrified by our canine friends. You can not imagine my joy then when he STROKED a dog in nursery when the Dogs Trust came in with Sebastian.

Angela from the Dogs Trust explained to the children, about caring for dogs, and most importantly what to do if you see a dog and are scared! She showed the children what to do. I didn’t realise quite how seriously my son was taking it, and how carefully he was listening.

Just imagine this morning on the way to nursery, when we spotted a HUGE dog in the distance. Instead of screaming and jumping up in my arms. 4yo CALMLY got off his bike, put his arms across his chest and looked away. We waited a while for the dog to pass. The dog took it’s time, 4yo just stood there like a soldier. My brave soldier. The event was drama free.

4yo was so pleased. I was so pleased. I can’t thank the Dogs Trust enough.

Here is the advice we were given.

Stay calm – no screaming shouting or waving your arms

Cross your arms over your chest

Look away

This way the dog will know YOU DO NOT WANT TO PLAY

I must say – it worked brilliantly this morning!

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Is your child scared of any animals?

Please let me know what you do to help your child…

Maybe this post is going to alienate a few people. But I am not sorry, I am just angry.

My question is: Why do some dog owners not put people, especially children, before their dogs?

My son is 4, he is terrified of dogs. It doesn’t matter whether they are small, big, tall, short, thin, fat, bald, furry or talking – hang on there – talking dogs are OK (apparently Scooby Doo is not scary!)

I am not talking about normal terrified, I am talking REALLY TERRIFIED.

Why then do many (not all) dog owners insist on coming up to him with their pets while he is screaming “GO AWAY GO AWAY” and say “This one is safe, he won’t bite you.” Incredibly, they think this will calm him down. I feel rude just walking away from these people with my child in my arms, but what am I supposed to do. I want to yell at them too “GO AWAY GO AWAY”

When the dog is not on a lead, it makes things so much worse.

We have tried everything we can think of to help him, he only has to see a dog in the distance and his heart rate leaps. He hasn’t always been this way. He was wary but OK, until a dog OFF THE LEAD came bounding up to him, jumping at him. To a 3 year old this must have been terrifying. The dog was bigger than him, and yes probably would not have bitten him – but he didn’t know that, he just saw a monster jumping at him.

How many times do you read in the press about a dog who bites someone, then the owner says, “They had never done that before.” Of course they hadn’t, if they had they would have been put to sleep. A dog does not get 2 chances to bite people. Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs. I just think some dog owners just get it wrong.

Imagine my alarm then when nursery said the Dogs Trust were going into nursery to see the children with a dog. His teachers knew of his fear and said I could stay with him for the visit.

Well, as the talk began, my 4yo, jumped onto my lap.

However, soon after he was quite transfixed. Sebastian, the dog, was old and quite sleepy. We learned how dogs end up in the care of Dogs Trust. We learned how to care for dogs. We learned what to do if we see dogs and are scared.

Then my son did the most amazing thing. He said he wanted to stroke the dog!

You could see he was nervous, but he did it. I was SO proud of him. He overcame his fear. I really need to thank Angela from the Dogs Trust. She was brilliant in explaining everything to the children.

What I am trying to say is this. Some dog owners are wonderful and so are some dogs. However, some owners are NOT responsible. They don’t think about how other people might feel if their dogs run up to them. To a scared child, a dog is a monster.

Please please please – if you own a dog, keep it on a lead when you are out in public places. If a child looks scared, don’t think you will make things better by approaching them with your dog.

My child is scared of dogs – UPDATE – see how things turned out!
More info from Dogs Trust

A friend posted this on Facebook:

You just know when your toddler is up to something!

“How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when, Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes back home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Aladdin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 320KM/h, Sleeping Beauty is lazy and Snow White lives with 7 guys.
We shouldn’t be surprised if kids misbehave at times!”

Then I saw this article from the BBC about it being parents responsibility for the behaviour of their children. It got me thinking…

Just who is responsible for the behaviour of our kids?

When are kids old enough to take responsibility themselves?

My child is 4. He sometimes knows that something is wrong, but he still needs guidance. His take on life seems to be that if it is fun, it can’t be bad. If that means bopping me on the nose, so be it. He is still learning. He has to learn that if he lives in society there are rules he has to live by. And he will learn this.

While he is a child, I am quite happy to take responsibility for him. If he doesn’t understand that what he has done is wrong, then it is my fault for not helping him understand. There will come a time when he starts making decisions about right and wrong himself. Hopefully he makes the right decisions. I don’t know when that will happen. The sooner he learns that bopping me on the nose is wrong the better!

Can children take responsibility if they have poor role models?

The example of kids movie characters being poor role models is maybe a facetious one, but there is truth in it. My son DOES blame Pingu for making a mess then not tidying up. He has got half way there, he knows he shouldn’t make a mess, so blames someone else. And if they INSIST that a fictional character has done something what can you do, apart from ban said fictional character from the house (and the DVD player)?

My son likes the ‘naughty’ characters. I don’t really want him to grow up in an Enid Blyton world where kids always mind their P’s and Q’s and offer deference to their elders.

At the end of the day he knows the difference between reality and fiction. No matter how hard he tries to convince me that it was Pingu who moved the car keys. His Dad and me are his role models, if we behave properly, making good decisions and trying not to hurt other people, then I have confidence that so will he.

What role do teachers have – can we as parents pass the buck and blame teachers for not stamping out bad behaviour?

I really don’t think so. As a child, the children in my class were as much afraid of what their parents might say as they were about being ’sent to the head’. Parents would warn their kids about being good in school, and largely, kids were. If the teacher was good, so were the kids. OK, when a weak, poor teacher was in charge of the class, yes riots ensued, but that was not normal. These days the powers of teachers have been eroded, and with it the behaviour of kids in school. They have so much less to fear. Surely though, if they are brought up to respect their elders, then they would not give teachers a hard time.

At the end of the day, we as parents need to stop passing the buck. Our kids are our responsibility. From the cradle to beyond puberty, they will always be our kids and we will should always be offering guidance and an example they can look up to.

This video is just brilliant, it is a school answering machine message, and I think all teachers wish it was their school message!