Every time I watch it, it makes me laugh so much. She sings about  the ‘joys’ of childbirth, in a way that is true yet is funny. You may have seen it before, but you never tire of watching a classic again!

Childbirth Song lyrics

You’ve bags under your eyes
You’ve got boobs to your knees
Your hand’s full of poo and your bra’s full of cheese
Your stomach is bloated your clothes do not fit
He still wants sex while you feel like shit
He begs for this favour not long after labour
It’s like eating a meal after you’ve just been sick

And the boys at the office tell him I should give him what he wants
To this I say that they’re a bunch of lalalalalalala

You bastard you cocked up it’s you got me knocked up
Just cos you want me to have bigger tits
You’re pleading, you’re pining
Oh please stop your whining
You’re not getting sex ’til the kid’s 26

You say you want another child, another pregnancy
When you can poo a watermelon I’ll agree

I could have been someone if you just hadn’t come (along)
If I hadn’t been so drunk and I’d said maybe
We’d be going out and stuff, now there’s foreceps up my chuff
Pulling the head of a screaming 10lb baby

And the mums on Hornby Island* say keep breast feeding ’til they’re four
If I do I won’t have nipples anymore

And all the doctors told me that I’d need a stitch or ten
I say sew me up so I can’t do this again.

*an island nearby with a reputation for being very wholesome!

It’s a parody written by Helen Austin and performed at Voices Three 2007, a concert that raised $3000 for the Hospice

We only bought the formula in the scenario that breast feeding didn’t work out. This was the case in the end, it just didn’t work out for me and the baby. So I am glad we had some formula in stock. 

The steriliser was a Philips AVENT Express Electric Steam Steriliser. We did lots of research on which steriliser to buy and this one seemed to fit all our needs.

I thought an electric steam steriliser was best, it seemed to do everything for you.

I had a practice at making a bottle up from scratch.

This is what I did:

• Wash the bottle, teat and ring thoroughly.
• Pour into the steriliser the set amount of water using the measuring beaker.
• Place them on the rack in the steriliser – with the bottle upside down.
• Put the lid on and switch it on.
• The machine soon started making noise and you could see the lid steaming up.
• I watched the machine like something exciting was going to happen. However it just sat there steaming away…
• The light going off signalled it was finished.
• Next I opened the lid – far too soon. Everything was boiling hot, far too hot to touch. This was reassuring, the steamer had worked – but bad for my poor fingers!

I knew that once the lid was open anything else in the machine would not be sterile and if we wanted to use anything later we would have to sterilise it again.

Next was the bottle.
At 1st I used the Avent bottles that came with the steriliser, but our baby didn’t really get on with them. We switched to Dr Brown ones on the recommendation of our midwife. These were brilliant.

1st I put the right amount of formula in. I was very careful over the amount. I knew the baby could get stomach ache or not enough nutrients if the amount was wrong, and filled up the bottle to the right level with cooled boiled water.

The water still wasn’t cool enough to drink. So I had to wait… and wait.
Eventually it was ready.

1 1/2 hours after we started.

“No wonder mothers have no time” was my initial thought.

Doing eveything in the right order made everything so much easier.

1. Boil the kettle, with fresh tap water. It can be cooling while the bottles are sterilising.
2. Wash the bottles, then add the water and the equipment to the machine.
3. Switch it on.
4. Go and do something else. The machine takes 8-12 minutes depending on how full it is. The light goes off when it is ready.
5. Prepare the bottle, sit it in a jug of cold water if it needs cooling down more.
6. When the bottle is ready – baby can have a feed!

We got making the bottle up down to a precise art. I wanted to do it properly, and was so glad I had a test run before the baby was even born.

If it took over an hour each time – the baby would get very hungry!

These are some of the things that I discovered were essential:

• Don’t smoke around the baby. Don’t let anyone else smoke around them either, don’t let them even cuddle the baby for 20 minutes after they have had a cigarette.
• Don’t let the room temperature get too hot. If you can comfortably wander around in a t-shirt – the room is warm enough.
• Don’t cover the baby in too many clothes for sleeping, or too many blankets. Remember if you fold a blanket in half then it is like using 2 blankets. If you fold it into quarters, you now are using 4 blankets.
• Make sure you are using a new, hard mattress, and you don’t need a duvet or pillow for a baby.
• Soft furnishings with lots of soft toys, cot bumpers etc, look lovely, but they are not necessary, and could infact be a suffocation risk. Ties on bumpers can be pulled by a baby.
• Make sure the cot or bed is the right size for your baby, that the rungs are not too wide that they can get limbs or their head stuck, and that they are tall enough so your baby cannot climb out.
• Fold the blanket snuggly around the baby, and tuck it in at the bottom, and the sides, under the mattress. This way it will stay in place much longer and not ride up around the baby’s head.
• Always place the baby ‘feet-to-foot’ in their crib or cot. This means, place them with their feet right at the foot of the cot. I thought this looked strange at first, and it really wasn’t what I expected. However, it makes total sense. This way the baby will not wriggle down beneath the blanket. It is so much safer.

Here are two pictures, the 1st shows how not to place your baby for sleeping. The 2nd shows the feet-to-foot position. The left hand side is the top of the cot and the right hand side is the foot.

You can see how in the 1st picture, the baby has lots of room to move down underneath the cover, but in the 2nd, if the baby wriggles, they will move up, and away from the cover. This is so much safer.

If you are planning your baby’s room or looking for nursery furniture take a look at these great deals.

It is probably impossible for children today to imagine only 3 TV channels and no kids TV on a Sunday. Black Beauty was the best Sunday TV had to offer in my day.

Before my baby was born, I was looking forward to the joys of CBeebies. I think I may have been crazy. Yes some of the programmes are brilliant, but when you have seen the same one 3 times in one day, you start to go slightly bonkers. I will admit some programmes I could watch endlessly. Timmy Time and Pingu are my favourites. Luckily for me, they are favourites of 3yo too! It is slightly disturbing though that he has a fondness for Waybuloo. Just what is that show about? I just don’t get it. Maybe you have to be under 5 to appreciate these things. I hate the dubbed voices, I hate the freaky floating creatures. I hate the fact that pretty much nothing happens.

I like kids TV programmes to be fun, bright and educational. Justin Fletcher seems to get it right. Mr Tumble is genius, Gigglebiz IS funny, Something Special teaches us sign language in a way that I and 3yo actually remember. I love the shows that give me ideas for what I can do with 3yo. I Can Cook – Katy cooks things that are healthy and fun to make. Kids cooking doesn’t have to be just Crispie Crackles. Mister Maker and Doodle Do have fun arts and crafts ideas that keep me and 3yo entertained. (Maybe they just keep the inner Blue Peter presenter in me satisfied.)

It is easy to let CBeebies become your babysitter though. The off button on the TV is hard to press, even when you are going nuts at the thought of watching Balamory AGAIN! Some experts say that you shouldn’t let your young child watch TV. Some say limit it. I agree that if your child is doing something else, don’t have it on in the background. It is a distraction that doesn’t help young minds concentrate on something else, and let’s face it, it can send mum potty! The CBeebies babysitter is useful when you are busy. It has it’s drawbacks though. The songs and theme tunes wafting in from the living room to the kitchen while you are making dinner, can have the effect of getting inside your head for hours. Anyone been humming the tune to Timmy Time – ALL THE TIME?

What do you think is the best and worst of kids TV?

We took so many photos of our baby, not wanting to forget a single moment. Now it seems to be artwork he brings home from nursery that is filling up the cupboards… can’t throw a single piece away though!

These are some of the things we bought before baby was born – but really didn’t need to!

• Bottles
  We bought the Avent steriliser and extra avent bottles. However, our baby just couldn’t get used to the bottles. We bought Dr Brown’s bottles on recomendation from our midwife. They worked a treat. They fitted in the steriliser – so at least we didn’t waste our money on that!
• Food/bottle warmer
  Milk needed to be cooled down, not heated up! So no need for this. It was still in the cupboard in it’s box, unused when he got to his 2nd birthday.
• Crib/cot bumper
  We bought one, put it in the crib. It looked fantastic. Then read that they shouldn’t be used for babies. They can be dangerous, in that they can increase the risk of suffocation or the baby can get caught in the ties. We took it out, and again put it in the cupboard where it stayed.
• Fleecy blanket
  We bought cute fleecy baby blankets. Anything fleecy is not good for the baby. They need breathable blankets. That don’t have bits that can come off.
• Soft toys
  Baby had his favourite soft toy. He never even looked at the others. And friends and family bought him that many toys when he was born, why did we buy so many before he was even around?
• Baby bath, shampoo, and talc
  We thought we needed all these things. Most are still in the cupboard. Plain water is needed for bathing a new baby, and a single bottle of top-to-toe wash cleans them – as the bottle says from top-to-toe!
• Bath thermometer
  This sounded really useful. We kept buying new ones though. The ones we bought just weren’t up to the job and just didn’t work for long. In the end sticking your elbow in the water to test the temperature was a much better way.

Any other things you bought and just never used? Please comment…

Other related articles
Newborn baby checklist – what do I need to buy before the baby is born?

The dramatic findings suggest that “mothers who were given ten times the usual dose of Vitamin D during pregnancy had their risk of premature birth reduced by half and had fewer small babies… No test showed any adverse effect of the large dose of vitamin D.” *

This is great news. If a simple vitamin can help boost the health of babies and prevent premature birth, surely every woman should be encouraged to take it.   

Vitamin D can be found in some foods, but it is mostly absorbed from sunshine. This means people living in cooler countries may not be getting enough. This includes the UK and parts of the US.

Vitamin D is found in foods such as oily fish, eggs and liver, and in fortified foods such as margarine, breakfast cereals and powdered milk. The levels in food alone are not enough.

Vitamin D has health benefits for other groups of people not just pregnant women. For example, Vitamin D deficiency is common and deficiency during pregnancy and childhood may increase the risk of a child developing Multiple Sclerosis.

* Times Online News article

Sometimes you just ‘know’ what name you are going to use. Other times you make lists and lists, pin them up on the fridge, and you still can’t decide. Whether to go for a family name, traditional, modern, unusual, or just something you like.

We have compiled a list of the most popular baby names. A list of names of the most commonly registered names in the UK over the last 5 years.

You can view and print the PDF ebook for FREE
Popular Baby Names and Their Meanings

All you need to view it is Adobe Reader, if you don’t have this already you can download it for free.

Adobe Reader download

Things to think of when choosing a name.

• Will your baby’s initials spell out something you’d rather not have? e.g. Edward George Green = EGG

• Is a name so unusual or so old fashioned the child will get teased?

• Are you choosing a name that is trendy now, but will be just strange 5 years from now?

• Remember your child will have the name for their whole life, if they want to be a lawyer or a Doctor, do they really want to be called Elvis?

• Making lists of potential names is a good idea, and remember you don’t have to make a decision until after your baby is born.

Want to read about more things to consider when naming your baby?

Other related articles

Babies names – do’s and don’ts for naming your baby

List of questions to think about to help you decide on babies names

Remember, it is never too early to start reading to your child.

You can view and print the PDF ebook for FREE
A-Z Popular Nursery Rhymes

Nursery Rhymes in our FREE PDF ebook are:

• The Alphabet Song
• Baa, baa, black sheep
• The big ship
• Bobby Shaftoe
• Christmas is coming
• Dance to your Daddy
• Doctor Foster
• Five little speckled frogs
• Frère Jacques
• Georgie Porgie

• Good night, sleep tight
• Goosey, goosey, gander
• Grand Old Duke of York
• Here we go ’round the mulberry bush
• Hickory, dickory, dock
• Higglety Pigglety, my black hen
• The Hokey Cokey
• The house that Jack built
• Humpty Dumpty
• Hush-a-bye, baby

• Hot cross buns!
• I Hear Thunder
• If You’re Happy and You Know It
• I’m a Little Teapot
• I was going to St. Ives
• Incy Wincy Spider
• I had a little nut tree
• I see the moon and the moon sees me
• It’s raining, it’s pouring
• Jack and Jill
• Jack be nimble

• Jack Sprat
• Knick, knack, paddy whack
• Ladybird! Ladybird!
• Little Boy Blue
• Little Jack Horner
• Little Miss Muffet
• Little Polly Flinders
• London Bridge
• Lucy Locket
• Mama’s gonna buy you a mockin’bird
• Mary had a little lamb

• Mary, Mary, quite contrary
• Monday’s child
• The North wind doth blow
• Old King Cole was a merry old soul
• Old Macdonald had a farm
• Old Mother Hubbard
• One for sorrow
• One, two, buckle my shoe
• One, Two, Three, Four, Five
• Oranges and Lemons

• Pat-a-cake
• Pease pudding hot
• Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater
• Polly, put the kettle on
• Pop Goes the Weasel
• Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?
• The Queen of Hearts
• Ring-a-ring o’ roses
• Row, row, row your boat
• See, saw, Marjorie Daw

• She’ll be comin’ round the mountain
• Sing a song of sixpence
• Ten Green Bottles
• There was a crooked man
• There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
• This little piggy went to market
• There was an old lady who swallowed a fly
• Three blind mice
• Three little kittens
• Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Sailor

• Tom, Tom, the piper’s son
• Twinkle, twinkle, little star
• Wee Willie Winkie
• What are little boys made of?
• The Wheels On The Bus
• Yankee Doodle

Remember – you can download the PDF for FREE

Download A-Z Popular Nursery Rhyme ebook

All you need to view it is Adobe Reader, if you don’t have this already you can download it for free.

Download Adobe Reader

Keeping your baby entertained in the first few days and weeks can be easy – they spend most of their time asleep anyway! As they get older and more mobile – they become more demanding for attention and stimulation. When they are young, a smile, the sound of your voice, a cuddle, might be all they need.

Sometimes you need a hand thinking of new things to do…

I have put together a PDF of things you and your baby can enjoy together. 

You can view and print the PDF ebook for FREE

Baby activities – ways to keep your baby entertained PDF ebook

We have included the following ideas:

Classes and learning for two

• Baby Massage
• Join or start a play group
• Baby signing
• Join an exercise class
• Mum & baby yoga classes
• Join a music class

The Great Outdoors

• Go for a picnic
• Tree hugging
• Remember your day
• Garden fun

Splish Splash

• Share a bath
• Swim in the bath
• Bath toys
• Patting water
• Make ice cream hair
• Go to the swimming pool

Get creative

• Make a foot or handprint of your baby
• Make a video for friends and family
• Make a mobile
• Make a memory blanket
• Make a weight/height chart
• Be green

Fun fun fun!

• Get messy
• Playing with food
• Blanket rides
• Change the words to her favourite nursery rhymes
• Sing Sing Sing
• Play peek-a-boo with her toys
• Be silly
• Giddy-up
• Play peek a boo
• Little drummer
• Round and round

Nice and quiet now…

• Snuggle time with teddy.
• Window talk.
• Whisper in your baby’s ear.
• Are you tired?
• Talk to your baby
• Rock a bye baby.
• Whisper in your baby’s ear.
• Skin to skin bonding
• Read, read, read!
• “Bonjour, je vous adore!”
• Are we nearly there yet?
• Dust off you CD collection and play some old
• tunes to your baby.
• Photographs of you.
• Know when your baby has reached overload

Remember – You can view and print the PDF for FREE

Baby activities – ways to keep your baby entertained PDF ebook

All you need to view it is Adobe Reader, if you don’t have this already you can download it for free.

Adobe Reader