When I first saw this I found it so funny. Every parent I show it to finds it funny.

The toddler rules of possession

1. If I like it – it’s mine.
2. If it’s in my hand – it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you – it’s mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago – it’s mine.
5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in ANY way.
6. If I am doing or building something ALL the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine it is mine.
8. If I saw it first – it’s mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it’s broken, it’s yours.
11. If it’s broken, but you are having fun playing with the pieces, it’s mine again.
12. If there is ANY doubt, it’s mine.
    (Kevin McHugh)

Are all toddlers this predictable? Do they all find it almost impossible to share? Um yes, I think so.

It’s mine!

“Mine” is often one of the first words a toddler REALLY gets to grip with. They use it often and really mean it. They don’t understand sharing, they want something so why shouldn’t they have it? It’s a hard lesson to learn and seems to be much harder for single children than those with siblings; where older children will force them to share! (often not in a nice way). A toddler is constantly learning that they are not totally inseparable from you and asserting their independence and personality.

It’s hard for us as parents to see our children changing from baby to child, no longer totally dependent and compliant in everything, but it must be very frustrating for the child. They don’t know the rules yet, they don’t know how to behave, they only know what they like and don’t like, what they want and don’t want.

My advice is try and calmly explain that they need to take turns, that they CAN have the toy back soon. Try to understand how they are thinking and how they see the situation.

The “mine” stage seems to last forever, and changes to “BUT IT”S MINE!” the frustration and confusion stays too. Ownership and sharing is a hard lesson to learn. Some adults still haven’t got the hang of it so why do we expect a toddler to hand over their toys and snacks willingly?

This is the story of a sad little duck.  He is orange, his hair looks like he has been electrocuted, and for some reason kids love him.

At my son’s school the Reception and Nursery children take home Storysacks each week. It is a great idea. Each Storysack has a theme, from fire engines to cooking … to ducks. There are books, toys, or puzzles in each sack, and the kids never know what their sack will reveal until Friday evening after school when they open them like it’s Christmas morning.

I am getting ahead of myself though, back to this sad little duck (which I think is really a platypus). Of all the Storysacks the “Duck” one has struck a chord with the children. They take him to bed and cuddle him all night. They give him a name and make him one of the family.

Just what is his attraction? I think they may feel sorry for him as he is bedraggled and looks like he has had a hard life. Maybe he tells them stories about life on the pond, fighting with ducks and herons, waiting for children to wander down to the pond side and throw them tasty (stale) bread. They care for him and don’t care that he has had better days, they see past his bald spots and his green tinged legs.

It makes me think that we, as adults should think like children and that duck a bit more often. I am quick to judge, and make far too many assumptions. I don’t see the best in people often enough. A child wouldn’t walk straight past a big issue seller, a child is happy playing with a cardboard box, a child loves without barriers.

Maybe we should take a leaf out of our children’s books a bit more often!

Now my son is at school and happy, I was wondering if there was anything more I could or should have done with him before he went off to the magical place that gives me 6 hours of unbridled peace a day.

He is doing well at school, so I don’t think so, but it got me thinking that all children need a bucket list of things to do before they start school.

So this is our bucket list (even though it is a bit retrospective), of all the wonderful things we did do while he was still in those wonderful pre-school years. (And a few we should have done.)

1. Have a pyjama day
2. Watch his favourite video non stop all day
3. Learn to spell out, write and read his name
4. Paint with our feet so the paint goes all squidgy between our toes
5. Face our fears – him: dogs me: spiders (not really conquered mine so he is beating me there!)
6. Go swimming
7. Have his friends over for a sleepover
8. Go to a friend’s house for a sleepover
9. Stay up REALLY late
10. Learn to ride his bike – without stabilisers
11. Jump in every puddle on a rainy day
12. Draw on the pavement with stones
13. Visit and write to Father Christmas
14. Learn to answer the phone
15. Learn his address
16. Have a birthday party
17. Master all the things in the local park
18. Search for fairies in the woods (we found some!)
19. Stay in a hotel – (he can still remember the room number and thinks that it is his personal room number for his whole life!)
20. Drive like crazy on the Bumper cars at the fair
21. Learn left from right
22. Use a map to find our way to Grandma’s house
23. Get dressed on his own
24. Learn to fasten his coat
25. See the Blackpool Illuminations (UK readers will know what this means, to the rest of the world, Blackpool has the most brilliant display of lights as Christmas approaches)

And finally,
Use his bucket and spade to dig the biggest hole in the world in the sand at the beach – after all this is a Bucket List.

There is a game in our house which has truly stood the test of time. I played it as a child, hubby played it as a child – I think everyone has (well everyone who has parents that let children climb all over the furniture!).

Get your child to help you make an obstacle course out of chairs, tables, towels, cushions to name but a few.

Ideas:

• Make a ‘tunnel’ by putting dining chairs in a row, you child can then crawl though the legs. Make the tunnel more exciting by placing a blanket over the chairs.
• Make stepping stones out of cushions on the floor, and get them to jump from one to another.
• Roll a large towel up longways and use it as a balancing beam.
• Tie a cord between two chairs so children can ‘limbo’ or crawl underneath it.
• Our son likes placing chairs, cushions,blankets and so on from one end of the house to the other, and tries to get from the start to the finish without touching the floor (the floor is the sea and you will get wet if you touch the carpet!)

You can make the obstacle course more interesting by seeing how fast they can get from one end to the other. Older children need more of a challenge, see if they can do it while balancing a beanbag on their head.

Always supervise children when playing this game and keep and eye out for safety issues. (Make sure they cannot fall and hurt themselves, or knock your favourite ornament off a shelf)

Ok, as promised in my last post Lunch Box food for primary school children I am going to see if I can get my son to eat Mackerel sandwiches. Wish me luck!…

I’m gonna do a test, my son will NOT eat smoked mackerel. He did as a toddler, it was a food he loved. However, these days at the grand old age of 5, he won’t touch it – “IT’S DISGUSTING!” is the response I get from him if I make such an offering!. The School Food Trust have suggested a recipe for smoked mackerel. I am going to try making it and trying it out on my son. I think it sounds delicious – we’ll see!

Here’s the recipe:

Smoked Mackerel Spread

Ingredients

• Smoked mackerel 70g
• Lemon juice  1 teaspoon
• Parsley, fresh chopped – 3 sprigs
• Yogurt, plain, low fat – 30g
• Ground black pepper

Method

• Remove the skin from the mackerel and put the flesh into a small bowl. Remove any remaining bones.
• Add the lemon juice, parsley and yoghurt. Mash together to a rough paste with a fork, or use a blender.
• Season with black pepper. Cover and refrigerate.

I gathered the ingredients and asked 5yo if he would like to help make lunch. Normally being a budding Jamie Oliver he jumps at the chance of cooking, however he thought the smoked mackerel smelt “DISGUSTING”. I have to agree there – mackerel does not have the best smell in the world.

So off I trundled, alone, to make lunch. I stuck to the recipe and resisted the urge to “test” the fish paste.

I did add sliced cucumber. 5yo is crazy about cucumber, so I thought this might make the difference.

Right better hurry up with the taste test – the cat is looking very hungry and licking her lips!

Hubby: “Tasty, I would have it again.” – man of few words

Me: “Very strong tasting, but I quite like smoked mackerel anyway. I would add more lemon juice and more parsley, and maybe some sliced tomato and spinach leaves.”

5yo: “Yeeeeeuck. THAT’S DISGUUUUUUUSSSSTING.” In very loud voice.

Didn’t go down well then!

He is not adverse to “disgusting” food. He likes his fish fingers dipped in milkshake. He thinks jam on his ham sandwiches is fab – maybe that is just because jam and ham rhyme though. However, he likes blander food, mackerel is just too smelly and too strong tasting. Back to the drawing board School Food Trust!

New guidelines have been released from the School Food Trust, aimed at reducing obesity in children.

They offer advice on what food youngsters should eat an help for fussy eaters. The report says more than a fifth of children are overweight or obese when they start school. We can’t agree more that eating the right food, right from the start is essential. That watching their salt, sugar and saturated fat content is crucial to their health, however we do question their lunchbox ‘menus’.

I know my son, would not touch some of their suggestions. How many children like tomatoes – I don’t know any!

Their advice on eating fruit vegetables and a varied healthy diet is great, many parents worry how they can do this properly on a tight budget though.

I’m gonna do a test, my son will NOT eat smoked mackerel. He did as a toddler, it was a food he loved. However, these days at the grand old age of 5, he won’t touch it – “IT’S DISGUSTING!” is the response I get from him if I make such an offering!. The School Food Trust have suggested a recipe for smoked mackerel. I am going to try making it and trying it out on my son. I think it sounds delicious – we’ll see!

Here’s the recipe:

Smoked Mackerel Spread

Ingredients

• Smoked mackerel 70g
• Lemon juice  1 teaspoon
• Parsley, fresh chopped – 3 sprigs
• Yogurt, plain, low fat – 30g
• Ground black pepper

Method

• Remove the skin from the mackerel and put the flesh into a small bowl. Remove any remaining bones.
• Add the lemon juice, parsley and yoghurt. Mash together to a rough paste with a fork, or use a blender.
• Season with black pepper. Cover and refrigerate.

Right, check out my next post to see how well it goes down!

Smoked mackerel sandwiches – do kids like them?

Alcohol and pregnancy

In the news today there is more advice from the government about the amount of alcohol we should drink. They say have two alcohol-free days, how about if you are pregnant though? The rules seem to change on this frequently, so how much are we really allowed to drink?

Do the quotas change depending on how pregnant you are? Does drinking while pregnant really affect the baby growing inside? So many questions, here’s our advice…

Is is really worth risking your baby’s health for the sake of a drink?

What happens when you drink when you are pregnant?

The placenta connects you to your baby, and you pass nutrients and oxygen to you baby via your bloodstream into the placenta. This means that if you drink alcohol when you are pregnant you are passing alcohol from your bloodstream into your baby’s blood.

Heavy drinking can damage your baby’s nervous system as it develops and prevent the correct development of it’s organs.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
Drinking alcohol when you are pregnant puts your baby at risk of developing foetal alcohol syndrome. This syndrome can be serious and is lifelong. You can not ‘put it right’ once your baby is born. There are many symptoms associated with babies born with fatal alcohol syndrome.

• low birth weight
• facial abnormalities
• learning difficulties
• behavioural problems

At Online Mum we are not doctors or health experts but our advice is – if you possibly can – don’t drink alcohol at all when you are pregnant.

Never feel pressured to drink while you are pregnant – if people don’t know you are pregnant yet, they may encourage you to drink. Just say no, tell then you are driving, you are on a health kick, or diet, or that you just don’t fancy a drink.

Decoys are a great way of hiding the fact that you are not drinking alcohol. Mocktails look like any other drink, taste great, are healthy and provide a great decoy! Have a look at the examples below:

With the post Christmas weather being so windy, you might be looking for indoor activities, and here is a good one to try out. Making a jigsaw out of a colourful picture taken from a magazine.

Here’s what you do:

You will need:

• scissors
• colouring pens (if the picture needs colouring in),
• cardboard (an empty cereal packet, or cardboard from a Christmas present is ideal)
• glue
• a colourful picture from a magazine

First of all, colour in the picture if needed, this one was ideal and it makes the finished puzzle even better if your child colours the picture in first. I find using his magazines is best, as then the finished picture is of one of his favourite TV characters.

Next glue your picture onto the cardboard, and cut out jigsaw shapes to make your puzzle. Depending on the age of your child, they may need help with this bit, you can draw the puzzle shapes on the cardboard side to help them with the cutting.

Once you have cut your picture into jigsaw type pieces you are ready to start playing! How quickly can you make the puzzle back into the picture?

Recommended age for this activity: from age 2, depending on your child.

Using scissors and colouring in, helps strengthen your child’s fingers, which will help them when they are learning to write.

You can use any pictures from magazines and a great alternative is to use a photo. Kids love to make jigsaws of themselves or a pet or their family. You don’t need to use a real photo, you can photocopy one (and make it bigger).

It is nice to give something away at Christmas, and the kind people at Pampers have given us a hamper to give away to one of our readers.

As you can see it is filled with pampers goodies and Christmas yummyness!
All you have to do to be in with a chance of twinning the hamper is send me your email address. I will randomly pick out a winner from all the entries.*

Remember those helpful tips from Pampers for keeping you sane with your baby at Christmas time.

*Closing date is Friday 23rd December 2012

Christmas can be a wonderful time and Christmas with a baby or children even more so…. hang on…  Christmas with kids is a STRESSFUL time!! ARRRGH! So I was really glad to read the Pampers Village Parenting Panel experts ultimate tips for an enjoyable festive season with baby:

Baby Development advice from Dr Maggie Redshaw:

• The first Christmas stocking is really exciting – bubbles to blow, finger puppets and small picture books are great for babies and parents. Interacting through play helps to facilitate conversation through facial expression, sounds and movement.
• Babies really enjoy wrapping paper and boxes at Christmas, and play with them as they would expensive toys so there is no need to spend a lot, but just take care about items that might not be so good to put in the mouth. A box can be a boat, car or den so use your imagination to bring games to life – this will help baby develop through social and make-believe play.
• Christmas is usually a time for lots of indoor play, but make the most of it when it’s bright and crisp to get out to the park to try a kick around with a ball or play in the leaves/snow – this will help baby to develop physically while having fun. 

Sleep advice from Wendy Dean:

• Christmas can be a disruptive time when you are trying to establish or stick to a baby sleep routine. Here are some tips to ensure that your baby will be asleep when Father Christmas arrives:
• Try and keep your bedtime routine consistent whether you are at home or at a relative’s house. Your baby will then be prepared for sleep, despite the excitement going on around them.
• If you do take your baby out in the evening to enjoy a Christmas festivity, do the bedtime routine at home, put them in pyjamas under their coat, feed at the normal times whilst you are out and then when you get home, your baby will be ready to be put directly to bed.
• Do a wind down routine in a quiet room before daytime naps so that your baby takes a break from the excitement and throngs of people to prepare for sleep.

Skin health advice from Dr David Atherton:

• Winter is tough on everyone’s skin, but especially in the case of babies with naturally sensitive or dry skin. Consider the following:
• You can use a humidifier in baby’s bedroom – if you can, make sure it incorporates a hygrometer to shut it down when the humidity is optimal to prevent dampness.
• Apply a protective moisturiser to baby’s face and hands before leaving the house, and re-apply on your return (this one can apply to mum too!)
• Cover the skin when outside. Use gloves, a scarf and a hat to help keep baby’s skin protected and warm.
• Make sure your home isn’t too hot and dry, especially in baby’s bedroom. Turn down the boiler setting, make sure it is off at night and, if you can, get some house plants to help increase the humidity.

Health and fitness advice from Laura Williams:

• Try and resist the temptation to buy too many Christmas treats in the run up to the big day. Reduced price tins of chocolates, packets of mince pies and tubs of peanuts will be calling you after a long hard day and if you’re cold and tired, willpower alone might not do it. Put off stockpiling them for as long as you can, or stash treats in the car or even in the garden shed – this will make them trickier to access when cravings come calling.
• Have some sort of Christmas fitness plan. Pledge to just 15 minutes a day over the holidays to get your heartbeat raised. You don’t even need to lace up your trainers – a game of Hide & Seek could burn quite a few calories in a relatively short space of time with your toddler, while a long(ish) post-lunch walk (45-60 mins) with the family will burn off a small helping of Christmas pud.
• Try and curb your big eating days to just two or three over the Christmas period. For example, give yourself a green light to eat what you like on Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve and for the other days, try and practise moderation, e.g. say no to a mince pie and have a satsuma instead or swap a handful of peanuts for a handful of olives.

Pregnancy advice from Midwife, Mary Steen-Greaves:

• Take a relaxing bath with some lavender drops added to help you de-stress and a warm milky drink to help you have a good night’s sleep.
• Try not to over eat, especially late at night. Eat small meals frequently to help your digestion and keep spicy and fatty foods to a minimum.
• You will still need to wrap up to keep warm when outdoors even though you will feel warmer than usual due to your increased blood. Wear comfortable, sensible footwear to help you maintain a good posture and reduce the risk of slipping in the cold (possibly icy) weather.

Relationship advice from Denise Knowles:

• Involve toddlers in making presents and wrapping them. Taking time to make cards and gifts together helps build the bond between parents and child…it is fun too!
• Delegate as much as possible and ask family to provide elements of the festivities; they’ll feel part of your family and useful – and you won’t feel so stressed. Share the ‘chores’ too. And if you are pregnant, don’t feel guilty about relaxing and putting your feet up; you need to be a little self-indulgent.
• Discuss and stick to a budget for all of the Christmas festivities, presents, food and outings to avoid any disagreements in January when the bills start rolling in.
• Make some time just for you, it’s not selfish to take some time out and sit with a cuppa.

There you have it! OK, so we might have to be supermum to do all of that, but we can try, and they are sensible commonsense tips.

Thankyou and Happy Christmas